Rejection is one of the most difficult things to get over. Trust me, I am all too familiar with the concept of rejection. I’ve experienced rejection through multiple areas of my life, such as personal, relationships, career, and education.
How you handle yourself during times of rejection really depicts your character. For most of my life, I had a very self defeating attitude and handled rejection very poorly. I experienced pain, humiliation, sadness, anger, guilt, hate, unfairness and a plethora of emotions. My character was self-delusional. I constantly focused on the negative emotions and rarely took the time to analyze the positive outcomes because of the rejections.
After 20 something years and having gone through a series of events that resulted in rejection, I finally understand the value of being rejected. All my life I used to think being rejected was the worst thing possible. Having someone tell you you’re not good enough, qualified enough, there is no chemistry, or your marks aren’t high enough, is not a good feeling, I get it. But, rejection is necessary in order to grow.
Rejection is the catalyst one needs to improve in areas of life that requires more attention. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that if someone rejects you in a relationship because you’re not attractive enough or something superficial, you should go out and change your appearance. That’s just stupid. But, what I am saying is, that particular rejection might mean you have to address a deeper issue such as self love, acceptance and the realization that you deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Being rejected for a job that you honestly felt you were perfect for, might actually mean there is something even greater out there for you. Or by not getting that date with the hottie you work with, might actually save your job or you may meet your potential soulmate. By looking at the positive aspect of the rejection you are taking control of your emotions during that situation. By controlling your emotions and consciously looking for the good out of the rejection, you allow yourself to connect with your inner being. Your inner being then guides you with the right tools to help you improve and move past the rejection. You then learn to consciously focus on feeling good because of the rejection instead of feeling bad.
Handling rejection is a common problem for everyone. Even the richest, most attractive, or most influential people have to deal with rejection. But, everyone handles rejection differently. So, here are a few tips to help you during those tough times. If you apply these tips you too can slowly teach yourself to overcome rejection and actually grow from it.
How to handle rejection:
- Acknowledge how you feel – if you feel bad, sad, angry, frustrated, or etc., acknowledge it, tell someone how you feel, talk out loud and let the universe know exactly what you’re feeling
- Acknowledge that everyone deals with rejection – you are not alone, we all face rejection at one point in our lives, even the richest, most attractive or most powerful people in the world
- Allow yourself to feel bad initially – if you’re feeling hurt allow yourself some time to grieve, we are all humans after all, and the best remedy is sometimes to cry it out
- Don’t take rejection personally – you have to consciously remember that it is not YOU the individual that is lacking, it is the circumstances of the events that you cannot control
- Respect the rejector and wish them well – remember that spite and holding a grudge doesn’t affect anyone else but you, by respecting the rejectors and wishing them well, you take back the control on your emotions and you release the hold of pain they momentarily have on you because of the rejections
- Review the outcome – look at the rejection from all angles, sure you may not have gotten the job and you won’t be able to buy that new car, but maybe you will find a job better suited for you, that allows you to follow your dreams instead of settling at any job that isn’t fulfilling just to accomplish your temporary goal of purchasing a new car
- Keep trying – don’t give up after being rejected, life and the show must go on, if Edison stopped after his first failed invention he may never have invented the lightbulb
- Don’t have false hope – it’s always good to hope for a positive outcome or hope that you get another chance, but there is a difference in hoping for that versus having false hope that the rejector will change his/her mind, this is pointless as it hinders your personal growth and you relish in a negative environment and consciously give away your control
- Distract yourself and do what makes you happy – make time to go out and shop, play sports, exercise or take a trip with your friends, do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better after being rejected, without resorting to anything irrational, dangerous, or negative (ie. do not take prescription medication to deal with depression)
- Focus on the next task at hand – once you’ve been rejected and you’ve taken the time to heal, focus on the next goal, maybe apply to another job or consider updating your skills with a new course, the new goal or task will help you realize you have the power to control your emotions and that specific events/rejections do not define you, you have the power to move on
“A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success.” ~ Bo Bennett