Are you tired of constantly being judged? Because I know I am! It’s especially frustrating when the people closest to me criticize and judge every one of my actions. I already face judgement from the world and strangers on a daily basis. While at work, while driving on the road, shopping at the mall and etc. Ok so I admit, being judged isn’t necessarily a bad thing always. Some times you hold a lot of power when people judge you, particularly wrongly, and you prove them wrong. However, being constantly judged can become unhealthy and can take an emotional and psychological toll on you.
Throughout my life I’ve been blessed with a family and many friends that cared enough to judge me. I always appreciated their judgement because I understood it came from a place of love. On several occasions, their judgement influenced my decisions and helped me avoid detrimental mistakes. On the other hand, on many occasions their judgement negatively affected my personal well being by instilling fear and doubt. I was conditioned not to trust myself and constantly needing validation from others on my decisions. Instead of trusting my own instincts and having confidence to make a decision that I could take full ownership of, I got into a habit of always looking for someone else to validate my decisions. Maybe on a subconscious level I was looking for someone to blame if the outcome of my decisions didn’t pan out positively.
Some of the closest people in my life pass a lot of negative judgement. I appreciate constructive criticism, because I believe it’s necessary if you want to improve. But, when constructive criticism becomes negative and abusive judgement, it needs to be stopped and those relationships need to be re-evaluated. I am currently in a place in my life where I need to surround myself with positivity. So, I cannot emotionally afford to be around people who constantly remind me of my failures instead of encouraging me to move past them. I cannot accept someone constantly berating me instead of uplifting me. I know my limits of what I can and cannot tolerate while being judged.
Having said that, there were a few relationships that I re-evaluated in my life because of this issue. Sadly, one of those such relationships is with my mom. I love my mom, she is the best and I will go to the ends of the earth to make sure she is happy. In the same breathe, however, her negative presence was and will always be one of my biggest emotional and psychological downfalls. Her constant negative judgement was on the brink of abuse. My mom has OCD and so she has a tendency to repeat things over and over. Now imagine being judged by a person with OCD who constantly reminds you of your failures and flaws while you are trying to heal and create a positive environment.
My mom was that voice of fear and doubt that always crept up in every one of my decisions. Every time I made a mistake it was bad enough to live with the memory of that mistake but then to have to relive it over and over again and being judged on current situations based on past mistakes was becoming a normal thing. I couldn’t even recognize my progress because I was constantly being reminded of past mistakes. This affected a lot of my decisions because I would make decisions based out of fear instead of listening to my intuition. Being judged this way forced me to make a critical decision and that was to cut ties with my mom. I love her so much, but to maintain my sanity and our relationship I had to end communication for a short period to re-evaluate how she would fit in my life while I was trying to achieve my goals. I could not have her be a destructive part of my life when I know how important she is to me, so I had to do one of the hardest things and stop seeing my mom.
Time to reflect:
Are you in a relationship or is there someone in your life that plays a critical role but passes constant judgement? Does this person serve as a positive role model or influence in your life right now? Or is this someone you could do without? If you are being abused you need to re-evalute how this person fits in your life. If this person is someone that is blood or you believe will remain in your life forever, then take some time away to think about how they can still fit in your life. If this is someone that isn’t related and you see only serves negatively in your life, maybe you need to completely cut ties with him/her. It’s important to surround yourself with positive influence and judgement. Avoid being around people who will instil fear and doubt in your abilities and hinder your growth.
“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.” ~ Jesse Jackson