I have made many mistakes in my life and I am aware that I am not perfect by any means. I have made choices in the past that some may construe as stupid, selfish, wrong and etc.. I have been humiliated by my mistakes and by people that judged me based on certain perceptions they had of me. At the time of the events, where I was being humiliated, it obviously hurt like hell. It wasn’t a good feeling at all. I felt like saying, “how dare you say such things to me”, “who do you think you are to judge me”, “I don’t deserve to be treated this way”, and etc.. I felt horrible as a human being afterward, thinking to myself, “maybe this person is right about me”, and “Yes, I am a failure”.
There was one particular instance that not too long ago occurred, where I felt severely humiliated. My boyfriend at the time had said some very mean and hurtful things to me after an argument. Things spiralled out of control, on his end, and he completely flew off the handles and started insulting me. He told me that I make excuses for everything, and I throw pity parties, I talk a whole lot and do very little, I am not getting any younger, I am not financially stable so I don’t know what I’m talking about and a whole heap of insults. I was so hurt and felt so dejected as a person. Usually after being hurt or humiliated like that, I would cry and retreat and actually throw a pity party. But instead, that day, what I felt inside was different. That day, my perception on humiliation changed.
That very same day at 1:15pm I went home and looked at myself in the mirror. I felt a calm and very confident energy emanating from inside of me. I looked at myself for the first time with eyes of a woman who knew exactly what needed to happen. I told myself that I would NEVER allow anyone to speak that way to me again. I told myself that I would NEVER give anyone a chance to even think those thoughts about me again. I told myself that I would NEVER allow anyone to believe, with such conviction, their judgements about me. It was because of how he humiliated me that day, that I became the woman I always wanted to be.
I know it might sound strange, but, humiliation leads to excellence. How many times have we witnessed on Reality TV a person being berated by an authority figure or someone who is a Judge or critic? Sometimes the recipient deserves the constructive and harsh critiscim to help develop the individual while on other occasions they may be uncalled for. Either way, you see a drastic change in the person after the humiliation occurs and the person becomes more receptive to guidance and takes more decisive action. For example, on those business salvaging shows, a business Guru might come in and rip the owner a new a**hole for being an inefficient leader and owner. The humiliation the person experiences in front of his/her staff, colleagues, on camera and in front of strangers forces the person to change, often in a great way.
Now, this is not the best way to change, obviously. But, regardless, it is a way to change and if you are going to change, it might as well lead to excellence. With my personal example, the very same day, I went out and purchased my second car after paying off my first car in full! I went out and got a $70 hair cut and got pampered with a mani-pedi. I signed a contract with the engineers, for renovation designs on my restaurant business, that I was putting off for months. I also went to hot yoga for 1 hour and 30mins and finally came home to cook and then clean the entire house all by 10:30pm. In that one day, I completed what I normally would’ve taken 2 weeks to do, all because I was driven by the humiliation I felt earlier. I did all of those things for myself because the real woman in me would behave that way under all circumstances. Through my experience of humiliation I know for sure that it can lead to excellence if you use the power of how you felt, differently and wisely!
Time to reflect:
Have you ever felt humiliated? Was it because you were called out on something you knew you were doing wrong? Or were you being judged unnecessarily? Either way, the feeling isn’t good. However, how can you consciously take that bad feeling and make it good? Try using your hurt feelings from the humiliation to drive you. Tell yourself, that you will NEVER allow yourself to feel that way again and be accepting and thankful for the humiliation you felt. By using the power to drive you to be better and be excellent, you can use that feeling to your advantage instead of allowing it to cripple you.
“Humiliation is the beginning of sanctification.” ~ John Donne