I had a very bad habit of victimizing and feeling sorry for myself during my tribulations. Then to add to my grief, I would self sabotage when things in my life were going great. I got into a horrible habit of craving this unnecessary drama that served absolutely no purpose. I always asked myself and God, “why me?” during the tough times. I know it sounds crazy, but, it’s almost as if I felt relief at the idea of “poor me, I am going through such a rough time, no wonder I make poor decisions” or “no wonder my life is complicated”. Suddenly I had an epiphany while being on one of my many self destructive paths. I realized, I was asking the wrong question. Instead, all the while I should’ve actually been asking, “Why not me?”
My poor choices were a direct reflection of my self-destructive characteristic. It was almost like I would purposely sabotage all the good things in my life to satisfy the craving I had for drama or a need for self pity. By asking myself, “Why me” I automatically put myself down and didn’t appreciate or value the great things that already existed. This shift in attitude is the real difference in the ability to make choices. If your frame of mind is in the wrong place, then you will end up making the wrong choice. If your frame of mind is in the right place, ie. you’re happy or content, then often you end up making better choices. So, by knowing what frame of mind you’re in, you can make decisions appropriately or more effectively without it causing harm in the near or far future.
Now that I understand the idea behind framing the mind correctly, I can change my attitude in life by asking myself the question, “Why not me” instead. Every time I look at someone that I admire and wish to be like, I ask myself “why can’t that be me?” This question forces me to look my own life and evaluate all the great things that already exist that help me see how similar I already am to the person I am “wishing” to be like. Also, by gauging how similar I am, I can see the areas I am lacking so I can focus on achieving those things while putting the attention in the necessary areas. For instance, I saw this woman who evidently had money because of the clothes she wore and the car she drove. I admired this independent woman and asked myself, “why not me?”. This forced me to evaluate my own life and I realized, wait a minute, this is me, minus the luxury car. Now that I am content with my positioning so far, I can now focus on achieving the next goal, getting a luxury car, by using my creativity and skills.
This simple shift in attitude and asking almost the same question but in a more positive way while putting the onus on myself, drastically improved my life. Now I don’t focus on the things I don’t have, rather I focus on the things I already have and focus my energy on acquiring the things I lack. This has helped me make more effective and positive choices in my life. Instead of living a self-sabbotaging and self-victimizing life, I now take the responsibility to make the appropriate changes. I don’t sit around wondering why all the things I am doing doesn’t work. Instead, I take active steps to fix the things that don’t work and continue to appreciate and improve on the things that do work. By changing my attitude by asking myself a different question, I no longer crave drama or self pity. I feel ecstatic knowing that I am always going to keep achieving greatness within myself while realizing how amazing I already have it.
Time to reflect:
Do you always ask yourself, “Why me?” If you do, change that statement to, “Why not me?” This simple change in attitude and words will make a world of a difference in the way you approach life and all of your choices. You will no longer feel the need to blame or look for validation or answers from others. Instead, you will appreciate all that you already have and will look forward to all the things that you can still achieve. You can change the self-victimizing and self-sabbotaging ways if you want to, all you have to do is change your attitude and the question that you ask.
“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt