So, last week I discovered some news that really shocked and upset me because I felt like I was betrayed by one of my closest and dearest friends.  I felt horrible on the inside and almost felt a need to cut ties with my closest friends as a means to cope with the hurt feelings.  Now, typically, this is something I would do.  However, something inside me was not allowing me to do this.  I decided instead that the reason I was feeling so horrible is that I do not want to rid myself of these relationships.  The one thing constant in my life has always been my friendships.  So, I decided instead of coping the only way I know how, I will confront the situation to get answers.

I used to hate confrontation.  I was never good at it because I would conjure up odd thoughts about the situation and think of worst case scenarios.  I would get nervous and have anxiety and would flip flop or stall on the idea.  This time, I made a decisive choice that I would not accept superficial answers and that I needed to get closure and after almost 20 years of friendship I felt, I as well as my friend, deserved to speak about the matter face to face and try to understand one anothers point of view.  This choice to confront the situation was exactly what both myself and friends needed to help us get past the hurt.

After taking my friend out to dinner I sat her down in the car and right away started to cry.  I expressed how hurt I was and that I felt I needed space.  Her reaction was so remorseful for holding this secret but, also, I heard such shame and embarassement as well.  I could see how upsetting it was for her to speak about the matter, and just like that a light switch came on in my head that made me realize how selfish I was for feeling only my pain and not really understanding my friend.  Hearing her speak made me completely forget my own hurt and all I could think about was being there for her.

The confrontation made our relationship a million times better and stronger.  We tackled the issue head on without sugar-coating anything and being completely honest about our feelings.  I can confidently say that this situation has definitely brought us closer.  I have never felt as connected with my friends as I do now.  My friends have taught me about unconditional love, which I only experienced with family.  I am very blessed and lucky to have my family and friends because the moment I wanted to walk out of their lives, they fought tooth and nail to make sure that didn’t happen.  My friends expressed how important I was to them and that they would never want me out of their lives even for one second.  My friends told me how much they need me.  I have never even experienced that with a man/partner, because with them I always felt conditional love.  My friends and I share true love!  For that, I am eternally grateful.

Time to reflect:

Are you usually afraid of confrontation?  Would you rather avoid confronting someone or something just to save face or keep the peace?  Sometimes, when you do that, you bottle up emotions that come out later in a much more drastic way.  Confronting the situation may be awkward in the beginning, but, I realize now it’s better to feel awkward now, than to feel absolutely horrible later.  So, be fearless and confront situations that make you feel bad now, so that you can help heal wounds and not have to deal with resentment in the future. 


“Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it’s amazing how many people get that.” ~ Penn Jillette



Everyone of us has personally experienced betrayal on some level, either because we betrayed someone or we have been betrayed by someone else.  What constitutes betrayal?  It’s an act that goes against certain morals or ethics on a personal level.  For instance, betrayal can come in the form of gossip, lies, omission, cheating, dishonesty and the list goes on.  The feelings associated with betrayal can lead to depression.  When someone feels betrayed their thoughts are consumed with questions of what, why, when, where, who and how.  Feeling betrayal is a true test to ones personal views and relationships with others.

My best friends and I have had a long and fruitful friendship, closing in on 20 years almost.  We have gone through a million things and more.  We have experienced pain, love, heartaches, breakups, marriages, divorces, fights, road trips and omg the list just goes on.  There isn’t anything that we haven’t experienced and I didn’t realize how true that was until the day I realized I was also betrayed by my best friends.

My friends kept a huge secret from me for close to 10 years.  Now, I’m not one to judge because I understand that we cannot always share everything with one another.  Sometimes, life puts us in certain situations that we wish to block out and never reveal certain memories or events, until God himself questions us.  However, when the rest of your friends know, while you are left completely in the dark that is when I do not understand the validity or value of that said friendship anymore.  My betrayal came in the form of finding out my friend went through something so drastic and impactful to her life and she leaned on the shoulders of everyone else but me.  I find solace and peace in the idea that at least my friend didn’t go through it alone.  This makes me feel happy.  However, what saddens me is that I no longer see our friendship the same way anymore.

Where once, my friend and I would tell each other we are soul sisters and so parallel, I look at it now and see only how much I was lied too.  All the secrets we shared in that time now feels like a big fat lie.  Nothing makes any sense to me anymore about how she valued our friendship.  I don’t want to get into a habit of asking “why me?” but I can’t help but ask, “why me?”  What made her not trust me or confide in me, especially after everything that she knew I went through.  She was the one person that truly would’ve understood my pain but she never shared that part of her life with me.  I sit here today typing about betrayal because I feel sad that I lost my sister, my best friend and my soul mate.  I am heartbroken because the one person I understood always, I no longer understand.  Today, is a very sad day.

Time to reflect:

Have you been betrayed before?  Or have you betrayed someone?  The first step toward mending it is to acknowledge it.  After you asknowledge it, you may still feel raw or hurt, but find peace of mind that at least you are working toward healing yourself.  Tomorrow I plan to confront my friend and ask important questions.  Once that happens, I will leave it up to fate and our past history to see what our friendship can stand. 


“Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks.” ~ Waqar Ahmed

Deep Tissue Acupuncture

I recently met with a foreign doctor, who specializes in Eastern Medicine.  He performed deep tissue acupuncture to help alleviate many of my health concerns.  I got into this horrible habit of self-medicating using perscription medication and going to Western doctors who really had no clue what they were doing.  Most of them I found got their degrees in South America and then applied for Med School in America or Canada and became licensed professional doctors.  Many of the doctors I met with did not know about alternative solutions nor did they have any interest in providing me with information about alternative ways to help cure my ailments.  So, after hearing about this doctor through word of mouth, I booked an appointment and had a consultation as well as one full session of acupuncture.

Witnessing my parents deal with certain health issues had me very concerned for my own well being.  I started noticing minor problems in myself that existed in my parents, but, in a much more acute form for them.  I also witnessed how they dealt with the illnesses and didn’t agree with their methods of fixing their problems.  I realized I couldn’t tell my parents what’s best for them, so instead, I opted to show them.  I decided to live by example and took a more conscious approach to dealing with my health issues.  Ultimately, the decision to go to acupuncture was for myself, but, I believe deep down, I really was doing this for them.  I was tired of watching them fall into this cycle of becoming dependent on medication and deteriorating right before my eyes.

While the doctor performed acupuncture on me, he concentrated on the key areas that I told him I had issues with.  Most, if not all, were the same things my parents were dealing with individually.  Now, with deep tissue acupuncture, you are pricked with a 6-7 inch, thick needle that is supposed to stimulate energy flow at the pressure points.  Each time he pricked me, a shock wave of energy flowed through the limb or body part he touched.  In one particular instance, he pricked me and I had no reaction.  The normal thing during these sessions is to have some type of pain reaction because the nerves and tissues are being stimulated.  If those nerves do not react, the tissues surrounding that area are likely to be so toxic that they are blocking your pain receptors.  Within our first meeting he was able to tell me how toxic my body and organs were, simply through touch.

He also focused on opening up my chakra because he diagnosed me with hyperactivity.  He explained that I am naturally an active person, however, over the years I have somehow developed anxiety which turned my active personality into hyperactivity.  I didn’t realize how accurate he was because the once calm and collective me was not so calm nor collective.  I would be very passionate with my emotions, both negative and positive.  If I felt something it was felt with great intensity and created a lot of anxiety because the energy being channelled was coming from a wrong and toxic place.  Which is why for so long I have dealt with rollercoaster emotions and just validated it as being a passionate person.  But there is a big difference between passion and anxiety.

After opening up my chakra I felt like a veil of cloudiness or fog covering my mind and eyes was lifted.  I felt and saw a swirl of colors at the crown of my head while my eyes were open.  I literally went from seeing fog to seeing things with so much more light.  Everything I laid my eyes on had a glow and the colours I noticed were much more intense and brighter.  My personal experience with deep tissue acupuncture is my way to let the world know to trust in alternative ways to heal your problems.  I live by example, good and bad.  If something is bad and I tell you, it’s most likely because I tried it and I know the side effects of it.  Likewise, if it’s something good, it is also because I’ve tried it and I know it will help those who are seeking answers.  At the end of the day, I can only open the door of information for you, it is up to you to walk through and take advantage of the knowledge and feedback.

Time to reflect:

Do you want to try deep tissue acupuncture?  If so, do not just go to any doctor.  Do your research and find someone who does not need advertising.  Find a doctor through word of mouth.  That is my ultimate recommendation.  Be honest and tell him/her exactly what’s wrong and allow them to work their magic. 

Create Yourself

So, I had my astrological charts read and I did so because I read in an article that the billionaires of this world have their charts read.  I aspire to be a billionaire one day, so I mimicked what the ultra rich have tried and tested.  I went to a colleauge of mine that recently started offering a spiritual and astrological charts reading service.  He is in his 60s and after years of not knowing his own ability to analyze numerology and astrology he finally gravitated toward it.  He opened up his own business and offered ultra affordable rates so I decided, “hey why not?”  As we sat together I joked and told him, “I promise you, you will be reading the charts of billionaires one day, and the first one you will start with is me”.  We both had a good laugh about this.  Isn’t it true that people laugh when there is an element of truth to the joke (wink)?

After speaking with him and personally analyzing the data for almost a year now, I am well on my way to creating myself into the person that I want to be.  I realized after going through many transitions with my belief system, scientific, religious, and then spiritual, that I cannot solely wish for what I want and live on hope, in faith and destiny, but rather, I have to create situations in my life to help align myself with that vision.  Religion teaches us that our destinies and paths are chosen for us.  I agree that our destinies are chosen for us if we allow the world and everything around us to make critical life decisions for us.  If we do not take the onus on ourselves and initiate or create certain opportunities our fate is sealed and by the time our lives come to an end, our purpose/destiny has already been laid out for us.

What I have realized is like everything in life, we must have a balance.  We must have faith and let go in times when we cannot see the bigger picture, but, we must also help ourselves by creating a life worth living.  We cannot solely depend on the universe and it’s energy.  The universe helps those that help themselves.  I am at a point in my life where I realize in order to make the drastic changes in the world I wish to see, I must make those changes within myself first.  Once I am in the position to help myself, I can achieve certain goals.  This will create a ripple effect and thus, allow me to fulfill the purpose I believe I have and am creating for myself.

Time to reflect:

Are you living life accepting what is and hoping that everything will work out?  Instead of soley hoping, why not actively create as well?   By doing this you are allowing yourself to live out your destiny the best way possible in this “one life” we live. 


“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” ~ George Bernard Shaw

Letting Go

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is letting go.  We often go through situations in life that test us and our will power.  Particularly, when we are tested in a relationship, the idea of letting go can become quite complicated.  I firmly believe the reason we complicate these situations is because our EGO gets the better of us.

Why is it so hard to let go sometimes?  Is it because you are too comfortable, unwilling to change, can’t handle change, you’re in love, or etc.?  Well, it may be a combination of many things.  However, the most important thing to note is that our ego becomes very powerful when the time comes for us to learn to let go.  Our mind and ego will conjure up every reason, excuse and idea possible to keep us holding on.  There comes great strength in letting go, but, if your mind is convincing you that you are weak for letting go, you may teeter-totter with those ideas for a looong time.  Your ego may convince you that letting go constitutes failure.  But, that is so wrong.

I went through a situation personally where I was severly tested.  I got involved in a relationship that I knew, right off the bat, wasn’t healthy for me and my personal development.  I settled.  Becasue I settled, my ego was having a hard time letting go of this relationship.  It kept whispering things like, “how could you give up on something that was so easy in the first place”.  My partner was not interested in developing a bright future with me.  He insisted he cared for me, but his actions, or lack thereof, proved time and time again that we didn’t have a future.  Yet, I kept holding on to the comfort I felt while being with him.  I got into a routine, where I had an escape from my normal life.  I mean don’t get me wrong, we had great times, that’s the reason why I tried holding on so hard, because of those few great times.  What I failed to see were all the other 322 times that weren’t so great.  My ego was hiding the negatives and embellishing the positives, but, not to serve the right purpose.  My ego was slowly killing every bit of progress I had made within my body, mind and soul.

So, finally, I decided after trying very hard to hold on, to just trust in the universe and let go.  A situation occured where I felt very humilated and insulted by my partner.  I had reached a point where I decided this was just not worth it anymore.  It came out of the blue and this time, no amount of convincing, done by my ego, was allowing me to go back to this unhealthy situation/relationship.  It’s as if something more powerful than my ego finally woke up and said, “enough is enough.”  I finally learned to let go, and trust me when I say this, it SUCKED.  It hurt so much and still hurts to this day.  I doubted everything about myself because I felt I lost my identity.  But, when I looked deeper I realized, that was never my identity to begin with.  My ego had somehow convinced me of what I was feeling.  The day I realized I deserved more and better I became more clear and I felt like my old self again.  The anxiety I felt for years just lifted and I felt free.

Time to reflect:

Do you have a hard time letting go?  Ask yourself why?  Sometimes the greatest strength is in our ability to trust in faith and the universe and let go of what we are used to and comfortable with.  When we let go, we are allowing room for far greater things to enter our lives.  So, learn to let go and live free!


“Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken.  Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.” ~ anonymous

Celebrity Status

I am writing this post to express my deepest concerns with this society.  We are living in an era where we worship celebrities more than finding ourselves, education, God or spirituality.  The very notion that a human being would spend thousands of dollars following someone who does not care or provide for you is mind boggling.  Then on top of that these celebrities get away with murder yet we still follow them.  In fact, we defend them and back them up as though we know them personally and make excuses for their actions.  I get it, we all make mistakes and as humans we can forgive.  But has this society become so stupid that we can’t see right from wrong anymore?

We live our lives making excuses for celebrites.  Especially the ones who live in the public eye.  Celebrites hold a lot of power.  They influence millions through their actions or lack there of.  If a normal person were to commit half of the crimes or “horrendous” acts committed by these celebrities they would be ridiculed, scrutinized and punished thoroughly for his/her acts.  There are consequences for actions.  But, it seems certain celebrites seem to get away with anything and everything and we just accept it without even a hiccup.  We stand together in solitude and claim we have this persons “back” while they endure the backlash for their actions.

I get it, we make excuses for them because we claim, “poor them, they are in the public eye so we need to try to cut them some slack”, “they are human and will make mistakes”, “it’s understandable because of their line of work” and etc..  This is a JOKE.  Seriously?  Because they are in the public eye and have EVERYTHING going for them, they need to take EXTRA precaution to make sure that what they built is not taken away from them.  And we, the people who follow them, should have stronger convictions and morals to stand against a person who has committed a wrong, even if it is someone we admire.  I do not condone certain actions and ignorance.  If my best friend, family member or coworker acts in an ignorant manner I make it clear that I do not condone such acts and I make them see their wrongs and work toward correcting it.  I do not just idly sit by and witness them commit wrongs and then stand behind them.  And these are people that directly affect me, not like a celebrity who doesn’t give two shits about me as an individual.

Take the two current media scandals going on, Donald Sterling vs. Justin Beiber.  Donald Sterling faced severe backlash for discussing his opinions on a matter which NEVER CLEARLY indicated he was being racist.  (Before I get backlash for my opinion, I want to state that I do not condone what he did either).  He was clearly egged on in the conversation by someone who was trying to entrap him.  He NEVER used the N word nor did he clearly come out and say anything derrogatory.  This man was stripped of his ownership not by his choice, but, by mass media attention.  Meanwhile this prepubesent dirty Justin Beiber waste of space and human life did far worse, whereby he used the N word multiple times and made multiple derrogatory references and he has every single person (also black people) standing behind him making excuses for him.  How is this even possible?  Where are his ramifications and consequences for his actions?  Doesn’t matter if this occurred now or before, regardless, he did it and there is video proof.

This is what is wrong with society today.  We are confused and we have no integrity.  We fall for anything because we don’t stand for anything.  We want equality yet there is NOTHING equal about any of this.  Justin Beiber should face the same if not worse consequences than Donald Sterling.  He needs to be stripped of any and all endoresements and made to publically apologize.  How can every sponsor and business stand behind him after what we just witnessed?  This is a joke right?  Public opinion for celebrities in the public eye needs to change.  These celebrities need a harsh reality check and I believe Beibers actions should be the clearest indication that we live in a very double standard, hypocritical, and contradictory society and world.

Time to reflect:

What is your opinion on this matter?  Am I being too harsh about this?  Does this make sense that we live in a world where one person gets penalized so hard while another (who committed a far worse act) gets a pat on the back and sympathy from the world?  I think not.  We need to make changes, immediately.   


“The difficulty we have in accepting responsibility for our behavior lies in the desire to avoid the pain of the consequences of that behavior.” ~ M. Scott Peck