Betrayal

Everyone of us has personally experienced betrayal on some level, either because we betrayed someone or we have been betrayed by someone else.  What constitutes betrayal?  It’s an act that goes against certain morals or ethics on a personal level.  For instance, betrayal can come in the form of gossip, lies, omission, cheating, dishonesty and the list goes on.  The feelings associated with betrayal can lead to depression.  When someone feels betrayed their thoughts are consumed with questions of what, why, when, where, who and how.  Feeling betrayal is a true test to ones personal views and relationships with others.

My best friends and I have had a long and fruitful friendship, closing in on 20 years almost.  We have gone through a million things and more.  We have experienced pain, love, heartaches, breakups, marriages, divorces, fights, road trips and omg the list just goes on.  There isn’t anything that we haven’t experienced and I didn’t realize how true that was until the day I realized I was also betrayed by my best friends.

My friends kept a huge secret from me for close to 10 years.  Now, I’m not one to judge because I understand that we cannot always share everything with one another.  Sometimes, life puts us in certain situations that we wish to block out and never reveal certain memories or events, until God himself questions us.  However, when the rest of your friends know, while you are left completely in the dark that is when I do not understand the validity or value of that said friendship anymore.  My betrayal came in the form of finding out my friend went through something so drastic and impactful to her life and she leaned on the shoulders of everyone else but me.  I find solace and peace in the idea that at least my friend didn’t go through it alone.  This makes me feel happy.  However, what saddens me is that I no longer see our friendship the same way anymore.

Where once, my friend and I would tell each other we are soul sisters and so parallel, I look at it now and see only how much I was lied too.  All the secrets we shared in that time now feels like a big fat lie.  Nothing makes any sense to me anymore about how she valued our friendship.  I don’t want to get into a habit of asking “why me?” but I can’t help but ask, “why me?”  What made her not trust me or confide in me, especially after everything that she knew I went through.  She was the one person that truly would’ve understood my pain but she never shared that part of her life with me.  I sit here today typing about betrayal because I feel sad that I lost my sister, my best friend and my soul mate.  I am heartbroken because the one person I understood always, I no longer understand.  Today, is a very sad day.

Time to reflect:

Have you been betrayed before?  Or have you betrayed someone?  The first step toward mending it is to acknowledge it.  After you asknowledge it, you may still feel raw or hurt, but find peace of mind that at least you are working toward healing yourself.  Tomorrow I plan to confront my friend and ask important questions.  Once that happens, I will leave it up to fate and our past history to see what our friendship can stand. 

mindbodysoul

“Friendship is delicate as a glass, once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks.” ~ Waqar Ahmed

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