So, last week I discovered some news that really shocked and upset me because I felt like I was betrayed by one of my closest and dearest friends. I felt horrible on the inside and almost felt a need to cut ties with my closest friends as a means to cope with the hurt feelings. Now, typically, this is something I would do. However, something inside me was not allowing me to do this. I decided instead that the reason I was feeling so horrible is that I do not want to rid myself of these relationships. The one thing constant in my life has always been my friendships. So, I decided instead of coping the only way I know how, I will confront the situation to get answers.
I used to hate confrontation. I was never good at it because I would conjure up odd thoughts about the situation and think of worst case scenarios. I would get nervous and have anxiety and would flip flop or stall on the idea. This time, I made a decisive choice that I would not accept superficial answers and that I needed to get closure and after almost 20 years of friendship I felt, I as well as my friend, deserved to speak about the matter face to face and try to understand one anothers point of view. This choice to confront the situation was exactly what both myself and friends needed to help us get past the hurt.
After taking my friend out to dinner I sat her down in the car and right away started to cry. I expressed how hurt I was and that I felt I needed space. Her reaction was so remorseful for holding this secret but, also, I heard such shame and embarassement as well. I could see how upsetting it was for her to speak about the matter, and just like that a light switch came on in my head that made me realize how selfish I was for feeling only my pain and not really understanding my friend. Hearing her speak made me completely forget my own hurt and all I could think about was being there for her.
The confrontation made our relationship a million times better and stronger. We tackled the issue head on without sugar-coating anything and being completely honest about our feelings. I can confidently say that this situation has definitely brought us closer. I have never felt as connected with my friends as I do now. My friends have taught me about unconditional love, which I only experienced with family. I am very blessed and lucky to have my family and friends because the moment I wanted to walk out of their lives, they fought tooth and nail to make sure that didn’t happen. My friends expressed how important I was to them and that they would never want me out of their lives even for one second. My friends told me how much they need me. I have never even experienced that with a man/partner, because with them I always felt conditional love. My friends and I share true love! For that, I am eternally grateful.
Time to reflect:
Are you usually afraid of confrontation? Would you rather avoid confronting someone or something just to save face or keep the peace? Sometimes, when you do that, you bottle up emotions that come out later in a much more drastic way. Confronting the situation may be awkward in the beginning, but, I realize now it’s better to feel awkward now, than to feel absolutely horrible later. So, be fearless and confront situations that make you feel bad now, so that you can help heal wounds and not have to deal with resentment in the future.
“Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it’s amazing how many people get that.” ~ Penn Jillette