My attitude stinks!  My attitude toward myself, most importantly, sucks and needs a major overhaul.  I am realizing that in order for my attitude to change I have to make that change directly from inside of myself, no where else.  I can’t go buy a bottle of gratitude, I can only achieve gratitude by focusing my attitude on feeling gratification instead of focusing on all the other feelings that are associated with “attitude”.  Does this make sense?

Ok let me try to explain it a little more clearly.  I grew up in a very negative enviroment.  I constantly heard negativity and it was rare to ever hear words of encouragement.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t grow up being physically abused to the point where I claim I’m some victim.  No no, not at all…I grew up with parents who lacked the ability to communicate positivity in a way that hindered my ability to develop gratitude.  My dad is a very positive person, however, being married to someone who is beyond the scope of negativity, has taken a toll on his ability to communicate effectively.  He still has the ability to make us feel encouraged and unstoppable but not through words or gestures, but, rather with an unspoken understanding.  My mother, on the other hand, is so negative that I can safely say her negative attitude has definitely penetrated my character and I do catch myself being just like her at times.  The saddest part is, the negativity I have learned from her doesn’t affect anyone else, it affects me directly.

What I have learned and how to cope with certain things is greatly attributed to the 30 plus years of influence by my family.  Growing up I always heard that my life or my situation was never good enough.  There was always something wrong, or missing, or not enough money, or not enough time or blah blah blah.  These lessons were never taught by my dad, only my mom.  She is the only person in my life that I could never understand because here is someone who has EVERYTHING going for her, yet, has the hardest time being GRATEFUL for all that she has.  This ungrateful attitude spilled over in us, the kids and we started becoming ungrateful about everything, including our own selves.

Having never heard a thank you, or you did a great job, I’m so proud of you, and etc. I was never grateful to myself for all that I do for myself and those around me.  I developed a poor attitude about who I am, where I’m going, what I want to be and etc..  I didn’t appreciate anything given to me, because I never realized how grateful I should be for receiving said blessings.  I didn’t appreciate myself and all the wonderful things I do as a human being to contribute to this society.  I didn’t appreciate my many gifts and talents that made me uniquely me.  I didn’t appreciate the many great things I did for others.  I didn’t learn to love myself and be honest about all that I have achieved and will achieve.  My attitude about loving myself correctly really needed a wake up call.  I needed to realize that how I talk to myself and how I feel about myself directly affects me and my overall well-being.

In order for me to change and become more grateful, I have to speak to myself in an encouraging and positive way.  I have to go out of my comfort zone and make an extra effort to stop degrading myself, being self-critical and downright mean to myself.  By speaking more lovingly and more honestly about how amazing I actually am, I can develop a much better attitude of gratitude.  I can start to appreciate all the things around me and most importantly all the things within me.  By allowing myself to love and speak to myself in a loving manner, where I tell myself that I am beautiful, smart, awesome or talented, I can finally be grateful for all that makes me, me!  This will then spill over into my outer world and that same level of love that I have for myself will transcend and be reflected in my interactions with others.  I will be able to encourage others and help them develop gratification as I exude the same level of gratification.  By fixing my own attitude of gratitude I can help slowly make the changes both within my inner and outer worlds.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie