Family – why we have them

For so long I kept wondering what the purpose of family was.  Is it to create a close knit network, build communities, pass along history and secrets through generations or to not make us feel alone?  There are sooooo many reasons why mankind as well as creatures of all kinds have family.  My interpretation is that we have family to help teach us things about ourselves that eventually push us to reach our individual infinite potential.

I believe that God/the universe has devised a plan for each of us to eventually reach our potential.  Now, if you believe in reincarnation, the idea is that we are brought back each life to hopefully accomplish tasks and goals that we were unable to achieve in our past lives.  Knowing this about reincarnation one could apply this very same principle to our family dynamic.  We are provided with family members who are created in our likeness.  Our family teaches us many lessons in life through their individual experiences.  We learn how similar or how different we are and how to handle one another and life situations.  It’s as if we get multiple copies of ourselves to look at while we live our lives in this lifetime.  Family teaches us to manage all these lessons from different perspectives, but, ultimately we have to devise a conclusion for ourselves.

What I mean is this.  Our parents are half of who we are.  We are half of our father and half of our mother.  The traits we develop are passed along from them, both physical and non-physical.  The life situations they go through alter our own lives as well, as we watch them deal with and overcome the lessons.  We are given many chances in life to do the right thing for us because of what we witness family go through.  Sometimes we will notice our parents making unnecessary sacrifices that we, ouselves, would never make.  We learn not be like them and repeat those mistakes to help propel us further toward our goals.  Other times we notice our parents providing love, support, and guidance that we wish to mimick and apply to those other people who we wish to share our lives with, that is not family.  We witness and experience many lessons by having family.

Take a moment to look at your own family and try to understand how they are here to help you.  Look at their individual flaws, strenths and experiences.  Then make a judgement about what you were meant to learn from them.  Maybe, your father is supposed to teach you to be more self-sacrificing, while your mother is supposed to teach you balance by being more “selfish” or accommodating only to herself and her family.  Maybe, your brother is supposed to teach you what type of man you should be with, someone who offers love and support and pushes you up instead of pulling you back.  Maybe your sister is supposed to teach you to be fearless while she breaks boundaries and becomes a trail blazer.  Look at your life and your family dynamic to understand yourself more.  Find out how you are similar and what sets you apart.  Take the lessons as a means to understand how to reach your full potential and use their life experiences to project yourself into infinite potential.

Time to reflect:

Did you ever wonder why we have families?  I think it’s to help us reach our potential in a fair way.  We cannot be given all the answers in life, but we can be guided.  The guidance comes in the form of family.  As we witness them go through things, we are able to apply those lessons and minimize the hurt or maximize the good results.  Family exists to serve a special purpose.  We are here to learn from one another and to use one another to eventually reach our full potential.  Look at your own family and notice the great things as well as the poor things.  See how they fit in your own life and what you can take away from them and their lessons.  If we are blessed to have them, family is God’s way of giving us a chance to reach the unknown with love and support.

mindbodysoul

“In every conceivable manner, the family is link to our past, bridge to our future.” ~ Alex Haley

 

Why me? Why not me?

I had a very bad habit of victimizing and feeling sorry for myself during my tribulations.  Then to add to my grief, I would self sabotage when things in my life were going great.  I got into a horrible habit of craving this unnecessary drama that served absolutely no purpose.  I always asked myself and God, “why me?” during the tough times.  I know it sounds crazy, but, it’s almost as if I felt relief at the idea of “poor me, I am going through such a rough time, no wonder I make poor decisions” or “no wonder my life is complicated”.  Suddenly I had an epiphany while being on one of my many self destructive paths.  I realized, I was asking the wrong question.  Instead, all the while I should’ve actually been asking, “Why not me?”

My poor choices were a direct reflection of my self-destructive characteristic.  It was almost like I would purposely sabotage all the good things in my life to satisfy the craving I had for drama or a need for self pity.  By asking myself, “Why me” I automatically put myself down and didn’t appreciate or value the great things that already existed.  This shift in attitude is the real difference in the ability to make choices.  If your frame of mind is in the wrong place, then you will end up making the wrong choice.  If your frame of mind is in the right place, ie. you’re happy or content, then often you end up making better choices.  So, by knowing what frame of mind you’re in, you can make decisions appropriately or more effectively without it causing harm in the near or far future.

Now that I understand the idea behind framing the mind correctly, I can change my attitude in life by asking myself the question, “Why not me” instead.  Every time I look at someone that I admire and wish to be like, I ask myself “why can’t that be me?”  This question forces me to look my own life and evaluate all the great things that already exist that help me see how similar I already am to the person I am “wishing” to be like.  Also, by gauging how similar I am, I can see the areas I am lacking so I can focus on achieving those things while putting the attention in the necessary areas.  For instance, I saw this woman who evidently had money because of the clothes she wore and the car she drove.  I admired this independent woman and asked myself, “why not me?”.  This forced me to evaluate my own life and I realized, wait a minute, this is me, minus the luxury car.  Now that I am content with my positioning so far, I can now focus on achieving the next goal, getting a luxury car, by using my creativity and skills.

This simple shift in attitude and asking almost the same question but in a more positive way while putting the onus on myself, drastically improved my life.  Now I don’t focus on the things I don’t have, rather I focus on the things I already have and focus my energy on acquiring the things I lack.  This has helped me make more effective and positive choices in my life.  Instead of living a self-sabbotaging and self-victimizing life, I now take the responsibility to make the appropriate changes. I don’t sit around wondering why all the things I am doing doesn’t work.  Instead, I take active steps to fix the things that don’t work and continue to appreciate and improve on the things that do work.  By changing my attitude by asking myself a different question, I no longer crave drama or self pity.  I feel ecstatic knowing that I am always going to keep achieving greatness within myself while realizing how amazing I already have it.

Time to reflect:

Do you always ask yourself, “Why me?”  If you do, change that statement to, “Why not me?”  This simple change in attitude and words will make a world of a difference in the way you approach life and all of your choices.  You will no longer feel the need to blame or look for validation or answers from others.  Instead, you will appreciate all that you already have and will look forward to all the things that you can still achieve.  You can change the self-victimizing and self-sabbotaging ways if you want to, all you have to do is change your attitude and the question that you ask.  

mindbodysoul

 

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

 

Family

I am beyond blessed and fortunate to have my family.  Although we have quite a dysfunctional family system I couldn’t ask for a better family.  God blessed me with a mother, father and younger brother.  I am further blessed to have an extremely connected and loving extended family as well.  I have always been surrounded by those that I love and having lived my whole life this way gives me a sense of fear, because I know it will all be gone one day.

With age I am realizing how important family is.  I always knew this, but, my own life experiences have solidified this belief I have.  I realize with each passing day, the importance of letting your family know how much they mean to you.  I now know the importance of thanking your family for always being there no matter what.  I understand that we need to go out of our way to show our family how much we care.  I am aware that any given day, all of my blessings can be taken away without even a warning.

I am so afraid.  Afraid of the day that I will not be able to tell my loved one that I love him/her. Afraid of the day that I won’t be getting those “annoying calls” that I always avoid.  Afraid of the day that I will come home and not have my moms “same old” home cooked meals.  As I write this I am filled with emotion, sadness, and tears are welling up in my eyes because I can just imagine that day.  Knowing this about the future makes me count my blessings today.  I have made a promise to myself that I will not go another day treating my family the way I have in the past.  Going forward, my family is my priority and their happiness is my drive.  What I learned from my family I want to instil in my own family one day.  Until that day comes, I will make it my life’s mission to make sure my family gets everything and more.

I urge you to take some time to be thankful for those around you, your family.  If you are blessed enough to have a family, thank God for this blessing.  Family doesn’t always have to be blood, but, if your family is blood related, do your best no matter what your relationship status is, to show them you care.  Go above and beyond what even you would do for someone.  We only have one life to show those we care about, just how much we care.  So, make the most of your life and treat your family like gold.  One day life will pass and you will never get that chance again.  But, if you’ve lived a life knowing you did your very best to show your loved ones you care, dealing with the inevitable day where everyone is gone, will be that much easier.  Thank you God for your blessings every day, but thank you especially for giving me my family, and making every day worth living that much more.

Time to reflect:

Have you counted your blessings?  Have you done enough and everything possible to make sure your family is happy?  What more can you personally do to make your relationship better with your family?  Is it something really simple like picking up the phone when they call?  Maybe spending one day out of the month having dinner or going out on an adventure?  Whatever it is, are you doing it?  Because my friend, one day that chance will no longer be there.  And when that day comes will you live the rest of your life with regrets or beautiful memories?  Take a moment to reflect and going forward, do more and do good for your family.  

mindbodysoul

“Family is not an important thing. It’s everything”. ~ Michael J. Fox

How to handle a dying relationship

So, after 3 plus years in a committed relationship, my boyfriend and I decided to mutually break up.  For the past few months I have not been happy in my relationship and I had the feeling that my partner wasn’t either.  We both got into the relationship fully aware of our personal faults and limitations.  Based on that, I guess we tried our very best to hold on to what we worked so hard to build.  But, there comes a time when you realize that the relationship you’re in might not be the best thing for you.

For months I was lying to myself, telling myself that I was happy in my relationship, when all the while I knew I wasn’t.  The first step toward handling my dying relationship was to be honest with myself.  I had to admit to myself that I was not happy.  Once I was able to determine that I was not happy I took time to understand what it was about my relationship that made me unhappy.  I wasn’t happy with how my partner was treating me or the lack of respect there was in our relationship.  I constantly felt like there were conditions put on me that I had to meet or else I wasn’t deserving of his love.  All the while, I was loving him unconditionally.  After facing myself, I realized the next step was to face my partner with my true emotions.

It took me months to muster up the courage to “talk” about our relationship with him and discuss where it’s going.  For months I had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach every time we had an argument.  It was an uneasy feeling where I knew that these fights were deeper than the actual fight itself.  There were hidden big undertones or messages in the fighting that occurred over small and frivolous things.  So, I dove right in and started talking about what I really wanted out of a relationship.  I communicated my wants in a relationship and what I felt I was deserving of and what I could give back in return.  Once we were both able to openly discuss what we both really wanted, we were able to see how far apart we were in terms of our individual needs.

After we were able to determine that neither of us were getting what we really needed out of this relationship we decided it was best to take some time apart even if it was for a few days or a week or two.  By taking the time apart we both were able to force ourselves to get back into our regular “single” routines.  I focused much more on my yoga and meditation.  I went to the gym more frequently to get my mind off of things.  By the time I would get home I was too tired to worry about “missing” him.  As the days went on and communication ceased between the two of us, it just got easier and easier to not check in with one another.

So, it has been several months now and we both mutually agreed to not contact each other.  The communication just naturally stopped and because we were both honest with one another, the “not talking” part of this whole ordeal was much easier to deal with.  I didn’t feel any guilt or pressure that I wasn’t doing 100% in this relationship.  It was like for the first time, I felt like I had made a mature decision that I knew was the right thing to do even though my heart felt hurt.  It was so much easier to let go this time because we both want each other to be happy.  Both of us made a selfless decision based on wanting to make the other person happy, even if it meant we couldn’t be the ones making each other happy.  Overall, I know that in the long run, this was the best thing for both of us.

Time to reflect:

Are you in the middle of a dying relationship?  How do you normally handle these type of situations?  Does the idea of breaking up hurt so bad that you’d rather just stick it out in the “unhealthy” relationship?  Breaking up doesn’t have to be hard or hurtful, especially if both of you understand each others expectations and wants.  Communication is key.  If you can communicate to one another of your needs and wants you stand a greater chance of being able to fulfill those needs and wants.  But, if you fail to communicate you not only jeopardize your sanity but also the possibility of a friendship out of the relationship.  Mutually breaking up is not a bad thing, in fact, it may be the first sign that you are officially taking control of your life on a positive note.  You are aware of what you want and deserve and you are giving yourself the chance to attain that.  

mindbodysoul

“Breakups hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t respect you is actually a gain, not a loss.” ~ anonymous

Humiliation leads to excellence

I have made many mistakes in my life and I am aware that I am not perfect by any means.  I have made choices in the past that some may construe as stupid, selfish, wrong and etc..  I have been humiliated by my mistakes and by people that judged me based on certain perceptions they had of me.  At the time of the events, where I was being humiliated, it obviously hurt like hell.  It wasn’t a good feeling at all.  I felt like saying, “how dare you say such things to me”, “who do you think you are to judge me”, “I don’t deserve to be treated this way”, and etc..  I felt horrible as a human being afterward, thinking to myself, “maybe this person is right about me”, and “Yes, I am a failure”.

There was one particular instance that not too long ago occurred, where I felt severely humiliated.  My boyfriend at the time had said some very mean and hurtful things to me after an argument.  Things spiralled out of control, on his end, and he completely flew off the handles and started insulting me.  He told me that I make excuses for everything, and I throw pity parties, I talk a whole lot and do very little, I am not getting any younger, I am not financially stable so I don’t know what I’m talking about and a whole heap of insults.  I was so hurt and felt so dejected as a person.  Usually after being hurt or humiliated like that, I would cry and retreat and actually throw a pity party.  But instead, that day, what I felt inside was different.  That day, my perception on humiliation changed.

That very same day at 1:15pm I went home and looked at myself in the mirror.  I felt a calm and very confident energy emanating from inside of me.  I looked at myself for the first time with eyes of a woman who knew exactly what needed to happen.  I told myself that I would NEVER allow anyone to speak that way to me again.  I told myself that I would NEVER give anyone a chance to even think those thoughts about me again.  I told myself that I would NEVER allow anyone to believe, with such conviction, their judgements about me.  It was because of how he humiliated me that day, that I became the woman I always wanted to be.

I know it might sound strange, but, humiliation leads to excellence.  How many times have we witnessed on Reality TV a person being berated by an authority figure or someone who is a Judge or critic?  Sometimes the recipient deserves the constructive and harsh critiscim to help develop the individual while on other occasions they may be uncalled for.  Either way, you see a drastic change in the person after the humiliation occurs and the person becomes more receptive to guidance and takes more decisive action.  For example, on those business salvaging shows, a business Guru might come in and rip the owner a new a**hole for being an inefficient leader and owner.  The humiliation the person experiences in front of his/her staff, colleagues, on camera and in front of strangers forces the person to change, often in a great way.

Now, this is not the best way to change, obviously.  But, regardless, it is a way to change and if you are going to change, it might as well lead to excellence.  With my personal example, the very same day, I went out and purchased my second car after paying off my first car in full!  I went out and got a $70 hair cut and got pampered with a mani-pedi.  I signed a contract with the engineers, for renovation designs on my restaurant business, that I was putting off for months.  I also went to hot yoga for 1 hour and 30mins and finally came home to cook and then clean the entire house all by 10:30pm.  In that one day, I completed what I normally would’ve taken 2 weeks to do, all because I was driven by the humiliation I felt earlier.  I did all of those things for myself because the real woman in me would behave that way under all circumstances.  Through my experience of humiliation I know for sure that it can lead to excellence if you use the power of how you felt, differently and wisely!

Time to reflect:

Have you ever felt humiliated?  Was it because you were called out on something you knew you were doing wrong?  Or were you being judged unnecessarily?  Either way, the feeling isn’t good.  However, how can you consciously take that bad feeling and make it good?  Try using your hurt feelings from the humiliation to drive you.  Tell yourself, that you will NEVER allow yourself to feel that way again and be accepting and thankful for the humiliation you felt.  By using the power to drive you to be better and be excellent, you can use that feeling to your advantage instead of allowing it to cripple you.  

mindbodysoul

“Humiliation is the beginning of sanctification.” ~ John Donne

Coping with judgement

Previously, I wrote about how I was getting tired of constantly being judged.  Since my divorce, I have been judged by everyone and their grandmothers.  I get it, I made a mistake and now the lords of judgement are here and passing their judgements on me.  It’s inevitable, no matter where you go, you will be judged.  I even dealt with abusive judgement, where it got to the point of me having suicidal thoughts because I couldn’t get away from my past.  I felt like I was reliving all my failures over and over again and could never see the light at the end of the tunnel.  I felt like I was stuck in a tunnel of mistakes because I was facing judgement every second of the day.  I didn’t want to live like this anymore.  So, I had to learn to cope with all this judgement.

One of the toughest lessons I learned was by cutting ties with the closest person to me, my mother.  My mom is a tough individual, she sacrificed a lot, created a life for herself and I can learn a lot from her.  However, because of all that she was able to accomplish on her own, she has a sense of entitlement and feels she can pass judgement.  Which is completely fine, I accept it, but when it becomes abusive I will not tolerate it.  After I made the decision to cut ties with my mom I was able to understand a lot more about her role in my life and what I was supposed to learn from all of this.

I know my mom was only trying to protect me and wants me to learn from my mistakes and that’s possibly why she reminded me of the negative past.  But, her negative judgement was affecting me so much that it hindered my progress.  I even took backward steps and made even more disastrous decisions on impulse to help me deal with the psychological abuse I was feeling.  I had to change this pattern of, feeling such highs on my own and then feeling so low, when I went to look for validation and support from my mom.  I could not change her personality but I could change my environment.  I had to make a decision on my mental health and well-being.  I could either put up with the abusive judgement and live rent free or I could spend money to have my own space and create a positive environment to help me heal and grow.  So, I decided to move out on my own and got my parents blessing in the process.

The decision to move out allowed me to appreciate and salvage my relationship with my mom.  I was able to finally get away from the constant negative judgement and now when I see my mom I get love and support because she misses me and is able to see my progress more clearly.  By being away, I was able to show my mom that my past mistakes haven’t hindered me, in fact, they made me into a stronger individual.  She was able to stop focusing on the bad and realize the good.  While being away I was also able to consciously think of ways to cope with other types of judgement and this is what I came up with.

What to do when someone judges you:

  • Smile and listen to the judgement being made – the act of smiling will alleviate any tension that immediately builds up when someone attacks your character or judges you
  • Pause without responding for a full 30 seconds after judgement is made – by forcing yourself to pause and not respond, gives you a chance to calm down especially if negative feelings are brewing
  • Don’t react emotionally – by not reacting emotionally to the judgement you take control of your actions and can objectively make decisions that will help you progress
  • Thank the person for their judgement – by thanking the other person for their opinion, it makes them stop elaborating and continuing with their train of thought, which might include more judgment, this takes them off guard and it allows you to end the judgement and take control of the conversation and then you can redirect it to a more positive subject
  • Redirect the conversation – after thanking the person, try to consciously redirect the conversation to a positive topic that you’ll both enjoy
  • Meditate – if the person judging you has left a sour taste in your mouth long after the judgement and you continue to dwell on it, take the time to meditate and look inward and calm your mind, soon you will forget what the other person even said, because your inner being will comfort you
  • Cut ties – if the person judging you is abusive and hinders your growth and negatively affects you, you have to re-evaluate the situation and see if that person should remain in your life, you might have to end all communication with that person for a short time or maybe even indefinitely

mindbodysoul

“It is not for me to judge another man’s life. I must judge, I must choose, I must spurn, purely for myself. For myself, alone.” ~ Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Being judged

Are you tired of constantly being judged?  Because I know I am!  It’s especially frustrating when the people closest to me criticize and judge every one of my actions.  I already face judgement from the world and strangers on a daily basis.  While at work, while driving on the road, shopping at the mall and etc.  Ok so I admit, being judged isn’t necessarily a bad thing always.  Some times you hold a lot of power when people judge you, particularly wrongly, and you prove them wrong.  However, being constantly judged can become unhealthy and can take an emotional and psychological toll on you.

Throughout my life I’ve been blessed with a family and many friends that cared enough to judge me.  I always appreciated their judgement because I understood it came from a place of love.  On several occasions, their judgement influenced my decisions and helped me avoid detrimental mistakes.  On the other hand, on many occasions their judgement negatively affected my personal well being by instilling fear and doubt.  I was conditioned not to trust myself and constantly needing validation from others on my decisions.  Instead of trusting my own instincts and having confidence to make a decision that I could take full ownership of, I got into a habit of always looking for someone else to validate my decisions.  Maybe on a subconscious level I was looking for someone to blame if the outcome of my decisions didn’t pan out positively.

Some of the closest people in my life pass a lot of negative judgement.  I appreciate constructive criticism, because I believe it’s necessary if you want to improve.  But, when constructive criticism becomes negative and abusive judgement, it needs to be stopped and those relationships need to be re-evaluated.  I am currently in a place in my life where I need to surround myself with positivity.  So, I cannot emotionally afford to be around people who constantly remind me of my failures instead of encouraging me to move past them.  I cannot accept someone constantly berating me instead of uplifting me.  I know my limits of what I can and cannot tolerate while being judged.

Having said that, there were a few relationships that I re-evaluated in my life because of this issue.  Sadly, one of those such relationships is with my mom.  I love my mom, she is the best and I will go to the ends of the earth to make sure she is happy.  In the same breathe, however, her negative presence was and will always be one of my biggest emotional and psychological downfalls.  Her constant negative judgement was on the brink of abuse.  My mom has OCD and so she has a tendency to repeat things over and over.  Now imagine being judged by a person with OCD who constantly reminds you of your failures and flaws while you are trying to heal and create a positive environment.

My mom was that voice of fear and doubt that always crept up in every one of my decisions.  Every time I made a mistake it was bad enough to live with the memory of that mistake but then to have to relive it over and over again and being judged on current situations based on past mistakes was becoming a normal thing.  I couldn’t even recognize my progress because I was constantly being reminded of past mistakes.  This affected a lot of my decisions because I would make decisions based out of fear instead of listening to my intuition.  Being judged this way forced me to make a critical decision and that was to cut ties with my mom.  I love her so much, but to maintain my sanity and our relationship I had to end communication for a short period to re-evaluate how she would fit in my life while I was trying to achieve my goals.  I could not have her be a destructive part of my life when I know how important she is to me, so I had to do one of the hardest things and stop seeing my mom.

Time to reflect:

Are you in a relationship or is there someone in your life that plays a critical role but passes constant judgement?  Does this person serve as a positive role model or influence in your life right now?  Or is this someone you could do without?  If you are being abused you need to re-evalute how this person fits in your life.  If this person is someone that is blood or you believe will remain in your life forever, then take some time away to think about how they can still fit in your life.  If this is someone that isn’t related and you see only serves negatively in your life, maybe you need to completely cut ties with him/her.  It’s important to surround yourself with positive influence and judgement.  Avoid being around people who will instil fear and doubt in your abilities and hinder your growth.  

mindbodysoul

“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping them up.” ~ Jesse Jackson

Compromise

In order to live a balanced life, you have to learn to compromise.  There are times where you have to take the high road and be satisfied with not having things your way.  It’s not like you were defeated or that you’re any less of a human being or that your value is any less because you compromised.  It’s actually commendable that you can learn to compromise for the betterment of everything around you.  But…where do you cross the line from compromise to complete lack of awareness and unnecessary sacrifice?

After my divorce I dated a few guys, nothing too serious because I obviously wasn’t ready for that.  However, I did want to stay in the game, I mean a girl’s gotta have some fun and be pampered and taken care of from time to time.  But, after about 2 years of going on a few dates my friends set up I decided it was time to dive into a relationship and see where it would take me.  I met my boyfriend who was also divorced but that was pretty much the only thing we had in common.  During this relationship I learned many things, the most challenging being “compromise”.  I reaffirmed what I knew, that a relationship is a TWO-WAY street.   I also learned to give without expecting anything in return and actually finding fulfillment and joy from doing that.  I validated my beliefs and learned to stand firm in my beliefs even if others don’t agree with me.  I learned that compromising in a relationship doesn’t make one person weaker than the other, it is necessary to maintain balance.  It helps build respect for one another and the relationship.  I learned some great things about compromise.  However, with the good lessons also came some harsh and critical life lessons.

During my 3 years I compromised a lot of myself to fit into this relationship.  I resorted to the same habits I had in my marriage and conformed to an identity separate from my own.  I became this “girlfriend” that had things in common with her boyfriend and shared in his interests and likes.  I pursued his passions and encouraged his dreams and ambitions.  I compromised my own interests and likes to appease my boyfriend and make him feel confident, happy and fulfilled and justified it as, “oh well, I like those things too”.  In the 3 years of our relationship, my boyfriend has never taken me to or participated in anything that genuinely interests me.  If I suggested something, he would either make a scene, say it was inconveniencing him on his “day off” or that he didn’t want to be pressured into something that he didn’t like.  He has also told me to my face that he doesn’t respect me and that I do not make him happy.  He proceeded to tell me that the individual that I am (the real me, someone who is opinionated and enjoys controversial topics) is not someone he wants to be with.

After 3 years of compromising my identity to fit this relationship, I am being told by the man I am with, that the person I became for him is not enough.  In fact, my real personality seems to keep shining through and he doesn’t like who I am because it doesn’t fit his idea of what he is looking for in his partner.  So, do I hold on to my ego and set aside my pride and continue moulding into a relationship that is clearly not for me, just to prove something to him and the world?  Do I lose my self-respect and try to hold on to someone because I can’t handle rejection?  Do I make the ultimate compromise, my true identity, and become something, yet again that I am not, just to satisfy someone?  HELL NO!

What I learned is, there is a fine line between compromise and unnecessary sacrifice. I am more than willing to compromise habits or quirks that should be improved on.  But, I am not willing to completely change who I am because it doesn’t bode well with someones personality.  I am not willing to compromise my happiness to be with someone who doesn’t understand me or accept me for who I am.  I cannot compromise my identity for anyone, especially not for someone who doesn’t offer me anything in return to make me happy.  How can someone judge me on my personality after 3 years of being with me?  It doesn’t make any sense.  There is a clear disconnect in my relationship and I have learned that I cannot make the ultimate compromise, my life, just to be with someone and to prove him wrong.  It’s not worth it and it will not make either of us happy.   All I can do is take his honesty for what it is, and move on with my life and continue on my path of self improvement.  I learned everything that I needed to learn from this relationship and I can happily walk away knowing I made all the right compromises.

Time to reflect:

Are you in a relationship where you are making compromises?  Is this relationship something that makes you a better individual or something that makes you into a person you’re not.  No one should sacrifice their identity for anyone.  If someone in your life is making you question who you are and how you fit in, maybe it’s time to see if this person fits in YOUR life.  Are you making compromises or are you making unnecessary sacrifices?  Ask yourself and be honest, letting go isn’t a bad thing, it may be the exact thing you need to grow and be the best you can be.  

mindbodysoul

“I will never compromise Truth for the sake of getting along with people who can only get along when we agree.” 
~ D.R. Silva