Sleep Paralysis Part 2

Last night I experienced sleep paralysis again.  This time, however, it was not like my first experience.  I still felt the same crippling fear and shortness of breath as I felt during my first experience, but, the difference this time was in my overall reaction to it.  This time I knew I was experiencing sleep paralysis and the images I saw were of a grim reaper slashing away at me while hovering over me.  Knowing that I was going through this, I still felt a bit of panic at first, but, not as much as the first time.  In fact, once I regained my composure, I started telling myself to try and get up and out of my body.  I kept trying to move my body but I couldn’t.  I finally pushed myself up and noticed a white noise getting louder and the air around me was vibrating intensely.

All of the sudden, with one mighty push I was thrown up into a standing position and I was in my room standing right in front of my dresser drawer.  At this point the vibrations were so intense that it knocked me off my feet and back into my sleeping body.  I woke up and felt my heart beating super fast.  I finally had my first real “conscious” out of body experience and was fully aware and in control of it.

This time around I didn’t have anything negative or traumatic happen to me.  Instead, I think I was opening myself up psychically to the experience and maybe subconsciously was hoping to finally get another crack at sleep paralysis.  However, I do have to admit I did have a nightmare after that.  I dreamt that my mother started crying and screaming for me to come help her.  When I got to her I saw a huge growth on her lower back, around the kidney area.  There was a huge lump protruding out of her body and she was in pain.  She was afraid of dying and I held her in my arms and cried and begged her to be ok.  I cried in my sleep a lot and when I awoke I could feel in my face the pain from crying while sleeping.  After waking up I ran to my mothers room and grabbed her and hugged her.  It was such an intense and gut wrenching dream.  I felt helpless and hopeless.

I am logging this in my blog because I want to keep track of all my sleep paralysis and out of body exerpeinces.  I want to go back and try to understand the relevence it has in my life.  Why am I experiecing this?  Is this me tapping into my infinite potential?  What will I discover during these out of body experiences?  How far can I go out of body?  The point is, for the first time I was able to control something that seemed so uncontrollable.  I am excited to have another out of body experience and looking forward to my next journey.  I hope this time though, that I get passed my bedroom walls and possibly out into another dimension!


Intention setting

So the new year is fast approaching and boy do I mean fast, because it’s actually the day after tomorrow!  Have you set resolutions for 2015 yet?  If you haven’t, let me suggest you try something different.  Instead of setting resolutions, why not set intentions?  Intention setting is far more powerful than setting resolutions.  When we set a resolution we limit ourselves to a set of items that need to be crossed off or “resolved” by a certain time frame.  Instead of looking at our goals for the new year as a list of to-dos, we should be setting intentions of what we aim to achieve in the upcoming year.

By declaring your intentions to the universe and yourself, you are allowing magic to occur behind the scenes.  Your soul emits an energy or frequency of waves that attract your said intentions.  There is a big difference between setting intentions versus just stating or writing out your goals.  When you have the intention to do something, you are not only thinking of the goal in mind, but you are also thinking of accompanying thoughts and actions that will coincide with your intentions.  It’s like your brain is on hyperdrive and it is aligning your intention with all the little steps you should and could be implementing to help you achieve your desired intentions.  By setting intentions, you allow yourself to be in the present moment while thinking and planning for the future.

Resolution setting is different.  It forces you to think of only the future and when you will finally achieve the resolution.  It takes away from your goal because it is seen as achievable or unachieveable.  Your mind is being occupied by the wrong thoughts or being channelled in the wrong way.  Your mind cannot think of accompanying actions that will help develop your goals or come up with other crazy alternate plans.  It’s either a yes I achieved my resolution or no I didn’t achieve it.  Whereas, if you set intentions, your focus is being simultaneously channelled in the present moment and the future so that you can actually manifest actions to help you achieve your goals, while also keeping your eye on the prize.

So, before you go into the new year, ask yourself of what your intentions are for the upcoming year.  Ask yourself of what you wish for most from deep down inside your soul.  Then with that intention set in place, focus on how you can manifest those intentions through certain actions.  Doing this, you will achieve most if not all of your intentions for the new year.


“Character is the ability to carry out a good resolution long after the excitement of the moment has passed.” ~ Cavett Robert


Accepting the reality

For the past few years I’ve been dealing with an on again off again relationship. This relationship has been by far the hardest one to get over. For some reason I keep getting sucked right back into the viscious cycle. This relationship is extremely unique, whereby, most people in normal relationships would probably consider it quite unhealthy. I do not deny that many components of this relationship is in fact unhealthy. However, something inside of me is not willing to give up on the potential of the other person involved. For some weird reason I have this massive obligation, or feel the need too, nurture my partner and help him grow as an individual.

After years of agonizing over whether to leave or stay, I have finally come to the conclusion of accepting the reality that is.  I have come to finally accept that this person came into my life as a lesson but not a lifetime.  I am well aware that this person was introduced to me by the universe to help shake things up and make me break free from my old ways.  I understand today that this relationship was designed to strengthen me and help me put things into perspective of what I truly deserve versus what I want.  I have allowed my heart to follow its course and I can safely say I have zero regrets.  My heart has not been broken nor has it given up.  Instead, my heart has finally learned and applied unconditional love.

I know that unconditional love is very rare to find.  Unless you have children most people will never understand the notion of unconditional love.  However, from time to time, we get the rare individuals that come into our lives who help us finally grasp this concept.  To feel so strongly for someone that you have zero obligation too is a beautiful thing.  I have become a better person because of my partner.  I have learned what my limits and my extremes are.  I can finally truly look at myself in the mirror and know exactly what I deserve.

I have accepted the reality of my partner and his purpose in my life.  I am very grateful that I stuck it out and allowed my heart to pursue what it wanted.  I have learned to trust my soul and heart because of this man.  I have finally learned to let go and trust in the universe to teach me the lessons that I am supposed to learn.   I am not giving up on our relationship, rather, I am accepting his limited scope within my world.  By finally accepting the reality, I no longer fear the end of our relationship, rather, I am embracing the change that is to come.  I no longer fear not having him in my life, rather, I am excited to start a new beginning of self-love.  By accepting the reality of our situation, both of us can finally grow and apply the many lessons we have taught one another.  By accepting the reality, both of us can transform into the persons we are meant to be.


“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”        ~ John Joseph Powell

Attitude of Gratitude

My attitude stinks!  My attitude toward myself, most importantly, sucks and needs a major overhaul.  I am realizing that in order for my attitude to change I have to make that change directly from inside of myself, no where else.  I can’t go buy a bottle of gratitude, I can only achieve gratitude by focusing my attitude on feeling gratification instead of focusing on all the other feelings that are associated with “attitude”.  Does this make sense?

Ok let me try to explain it a little more clearly.  I grew up in a very negative enviroment.  I constantly heard negativity and it was rare to ever hear words of encouragement.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t grow up being physically abused to the point where I claim I’m some victim.  No no, not at all…I grew up with parents who lacked the ability to communicate positivity in a way that hindered my ability to develop gratitude.  My dad is a very positive person, however, being married to someone who is beyond the scope of negativity, has taken a toll on his ability to communicate effectively.  He still has the ability to make us feel encouraged and unstoppable but not through words or gestures, but, rather with an unspoken understanding.  My mother, on the other hand, is so negative that I can safely say her negative attitude has definitely penetrated my character and I do catch myself being just like her at times.  The saddest part is, the negativity I have learned from her doesn’t affect anyone else, it affects me directly.

What I have learned and how to cope with certain things is greatly attributed to the 30 plus years of influence by my family.  Growing up I always heard that my life or my situation was never good enough.  There was always something wrong, or missing, or not enough money, or not enough time or blah blah blah.  These lessons were never taught by my dad, only my mom.  She is the only person in my life that I could never understand because here is someone who has EVERYTHING going for her, yet, has the hardest time being GRATEFUL for all that she has.  This ungrateful attitude spilled over in us, the kids and we started becoming ungrateful about everything, including our own selves.

Having never heard a thank you, or you did a great job, I’m so proud of you, and etc. I was never grateful to myself for all that I do for myself and those around me.  I developed a poor attitude about who I am, where I’m going, what I want to be and etc..  I didn’t appreciate anything given to me, because I never realized how grateful I should be for receiving said blessings.  I didn’t appreciate myself and all the wonderful things I do as a human being to contribute to this society.  I didn’t appreciate my many gifts and talents that made me uniquely me.  I didn’t appreciate the many great things I did for others.  I didn’t learn to love myself and be honest about all that I have achieved and will achieve.  My attitude about loving myself correctly really needed a wake up call.  I needed to realize that how I talk to myself and how I feel about myself directly affects me and my overall well-being.

In order for me to change and become more grateful, I have to speak to myself in an encouraging and positive way.  I have to go out of my comfort zone and make an extra effort to stop degrading myself, being self-critical and downright mean to myself.  By speaking more lovingly and more honestly about how amazing I actually am, I can develop a much better attitude of gratitude.  I can start to appreciate all the things around me and most importantly all the things within me.  By allowing myself to love and speak to myself in a loving manner, where I tell myself that I am beautiful, smart, awesome or talented, I can finally be grateful for all that makes me, me!  This will then spill over into my outer world and that same level of love that I have for myself will transcend and be reflected in my interactions with others.  I will be able to encourage others and help them develop gratification as I exude the same level of gratification.  By fixing my own attitude of gratitude I can help slowly make the changes both within my inner and outer worlds.


“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie


The Human “Race”

From the moment we are conceived to the moment we die, we, as humans, are living a race, known as the human “race”.  Starting from the bare seeds within the male testicles the race begins with millions of sperm trying to outrun one another to fertilize the egg in the females uterus.  This is where the race starts and then continues until we die.  Have you ever wondered why it is that we perceive our lives like this?  Everything a race, or a competition against one another and even against ourselves?  Who are we trying to beat?  Where are we trying to go too so fast?  Why do we live in a society where we pin ourselves against each other and compete for better jobs, more money, a bigger and better house, or a better girlfriend or boyfriend?

Even when we look around us, everything is a competition or a race of some kind.  From athletics to job hunting, to fame and fortune, to education to even child rearing.  We are all living our lives trying to out do one another rather than working and collaborating together.  The notion of helping one another and uplifting or empowering others who are not at a certain level is not a norm.  We as humans love to see others fail, we love to see others being judged and degraded by those more superior.  It’s like we have this sick twisted sense of living life.

Notice how even during the Roman Empire times gladiators would fight and peasants would be torn limb from limb savagely by animals while spectators watched happily as one of their own got tormented and destroyed right before their eyes.  Now a days we do not live this barbarically, however, this sense of torment still goes on to this very day.  From sports teams to reality show competitions to scholarships to getting the best jobs, it’s become this habit of ours to judge and criticize others and compare everyone to one another to find the “best” in this race we are living.   I do get that in order for us to achieve certain things we do require the best of the best at times or we do want to learn from the best.  I, myself, aspire to be the best at whatever it is I do, however, this constant competition mode we live in is not healthy for our beings.

I wish for a world where we work together and help others who are not at the same level achieve greatness.  I wish for a world where the best teach the worst, while the worst teach the best about patience, mastering their own fine arts, and gaining the satisfaction of helping others in lesser positions than themselves.  I wish for a world where we don’t have television shows that degrade a person who sings their soul out (even if they weren’t the best), but, instead praise him for being courageous enough to pursue his passion wile giving feedback on how to improve.  I wish for a world where we don’t see women and men being pinned against each other in manipulated competitions just to win a million dollar prize but no satisfaction within our very soul.  I wish to create a world where we empower one another, where if you lack a skill you can turn to your side and ask someone who doesn’t lack that skill to help you understand how to achieve greatness in that particular department.  I wish for a world where, if we do watch television shows, that they teach us about team building and how to work with one another to help solve problems, rather than watch individuals instigate problems while breaking others down.

I know that the human race is far from what I wish it actually was, but, I have the intention to create change in this world and I will put it out into the universe.  I want the world to be exactly as how I mentioned above.  I aspire to make these changes and one day in the future these changes will happen.


“If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another.” ~ Winston Churchill



Cheating yourself

There have been countless times where I cheated myself. I set goals then lied to myself about the work I put in, the actual results I achieved, went back on my word, and even the reason why I was doing it to begin with. Who does this hurt at the end of the day? Only me! I write this because I need to put myself on blast for all the wrongs I am committing against myself.  I am acknowledging the truth of my matter.

By cheating yourself you spiral into destructive habits.  You fall into depression because you come across as a liar and a cheat to yourself.  You create a persona of yourself that lacks discipline, self control, self worth, self respect, is weak and lacks integrity.  By cheating yourself you trap yourself in this false identity of who you really are.  You feel embarrased because your supporters believe in you so much while you lack any belief in yourself.

The reality is that I am not doing as much as I should be.  I have many amazing ideas and I am excellent at starting things, however, I lack consistency and congruency.  The fact is I need to be real with myself for my sanity.  It’s great to have knowledge and speak of certain truths, but, what good is that if you cannot apply those truths to your own life and lead by example?  I have a long way to go in terms of accepting my strengths and weaknesses.  I am aware of my downfalls and by putting myself on blast I am not placing judgement or putting myself down, in fact, I am doing the exact opposite.  I am allowing myself to grow and change because I cannot accept the current frame of mind I am in.  I cannot live a life where my dreams and visions do not match my reality.  If I know that I am cheating myself how can I ever be an example to those who look to me for help or advice?  My advice would be biased or unjust because I would not be in the right frame of mind to help someone else.

Going forward, the only way I can avoid cheating myself is by being completely transparent with myself.  If there are things I wish to do, I have be honest about my intentions.  Why am I doing this, for who and what and etc.?  I have to ask myself real questions and if I cannot answer those questions then I need to realize that what I am doing in that moment will only lead to me lying to myself.  I have to consciously catch myself before I get into the habit of cheating myself by noticing my energy or lack there of.  If my energy toward a particular goal or vision is not on high vibration mode, then it means I will not put all my effort into said activity.  The reason why I will do this is to avoid getting involved in activities that will take time away from what is actually good for my development.  By noticing my energy level I can make an honest judgement on what I am investing into.  If I am lacking energy even before committing to something, than I know that the results I will attain will not meet my expectations or will not fulfill me the way I want it too.

I am no longer going to cheat myself.  I plan to do this by being honest and true to myself and admitting when I haven’t done what I need to do.  This will force me to take appropriate actions to align myself with my goals.  I need to take better and more conscious action toward achieving my goals and I can only do that if my mind isn’t distracted by my own lies.  There is nothing wrong with not accomplishing things, but there is something wrong with setting out goals, doing it half-assed, lying about the results because you never attained them the way you anticipated, and ultimately cheating yourself of personal development.

Time to reflect:

Do you cheat yourself?  Do you tell yourself you will do something and then recant or go back on your word?  This might be something so small that you don’t pay attention too such as making your bed in the morning, or exercising 3 times a week and etc.. But, it’s those small habits that lead to your character.  Do you want to be known as a cheat and liar to yourself?  Because I know I don’t!  I want to be able to look myself in the eyes and with conviction say that everything I do and say is 100% the truth of my reality.  Once I become that woman, I can achieve anything, and so can you!


Superficial me

I remember a time when I used to be something that I am not, nor something I wish to ever be again. I remember a time when I became this person that I didn’t even recognize while looking at myself in the mirror. Let me tell you a story about my once superficial self.

I studied at the # 1 University of Canada and during those years I was introduced to a multitude of new experiences. It was during my university days that I realized there was so much more to me than meets the eye. I realized that I was rather attractive to the opposite sex and drew men in with my personality and looks. I had a hot body, killer style and boy could I dance. I was the life of the party, all without the need for alcohol or any other intoxicants. I started experimenting because that’s what students do.  I experimented with my personality.  I tried to embody the various personalities that I came across, such as the studious student, the wild party animal, the sexy seductress, the loyal girlfriend, the ride or die chick, the best friend, the spontaneous adventurous girl and the list goes on.  Along the way I discovered my likes and dislikes, but most importantly what I learned was my own limitations.  After experimenting for 4 years I finally decided to settle down into a personality that I felt was me, a stay at home wife.  It was during this time that I developed the superficial me.

I remember a time when I never repeated the same clothes for 2 and a half years straight. I never even repeated my undergarments. I would spend hours getting ready putting on makeup, doing my hair and spending my husbands hard earned money on cosmetic procedures such as eyelash and hair extensions, dye jobs, fake nails, contact lenses, shoes, clothes and a whole list of self absorbed activities. I became obsessed with always looking different and having stylish clothing every day. I was known for my style and my “glamorous” lifestyle. Many of my friends at the time, were envious of what I amassed. This apparent freedom, to be pampered always and not having to work hard or contribute back to society in any meaningful way, was what made many jealous.  Little did they know the darkness, depression and tragedy glooming within my soul that was developing as I continued on this destructive superficial path.

I had become so used to this superficial me, that when life changed it was like a ton of bricks just hit me.   It was a very sudden change, everything around me was falling apart and dissolving into nothing.  My identity that I built in the past few years was no longer something I could live with or wanted.  I remember the day I realized the person I was looking at in the mirror was not who I ever wanted to be. I remember many occasions where I would stare at myself in the mirror and not recognize who I was through those coloured contact lenses.  It took me losing everything to realize my limiations.  I know what I am fully capable of.  I can be a bitch, I can be selfish, I can be self absorbed, vindictive, and I can even hate and judge with no real reason.  These traits I developed scared the shit out of me.  I couldn’t in good conscience be that type of person to my children (if I decided to have any) and teach them these lessons in life; wasting money, spending without care, being vain, always chasing after happiness in material things, and etc..  This thought was haunting me and I finally had a breakthrough one day when my entire world came crashing beneath me.  My ex filed for divorce because of a selfish mistake I made.  That loss of identity freed me from the monster I was becoming.

The person I was becoming was never my intention.  Life happened and it forced me to make unconscious decisions that felt good at the moment based on misinformation.  The many choices I made were never thought out and quite reckless and detrimental to the well being of myself and others.  This habit was almost becoming my character and that fact alone was the wake up call I needed to change who I was.  I never want to be remembered for my superficial ways, instead I want to share my story of my demise to help inspire you.  I want you to realize that not everything is as it seems, not even you.  Those happy moments you are experiencing are not real if you are not content with your being.  For me, it took losing myself and my soul to be found again.  I had to experience the journey of losing sight of who I am and want to be by becoming something I was not meant to be.  If you are also experiencing this dual personality, it may be your soul screaming out at you to rediscover who you are actually supposed to be.


“I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.” ~ Douglas Pagels


So, last week I discovered some news that really shocked and upset me because I felt like I was betrayed by one of my closest and dearest friends.  I felt horrible on the inside and almost felt a need to cut ties with my closest friends as a means to cope with the hurt feelings.  Now, typically, this is something I would do.  However, something inside me was not allowing me to do this.  I decided instead that the reason I was feeling so horrible is that I do not want to rid myself of these relationships.  The one thing constant in my life has always been my friendships.  So, I decided instead of coping the only way I know how, I will confront the situation to get answers.

I used to hate confrontation.  I was never good at it because I would conjure up odd thoughts about the situation and think of worst case scenarios.  I would get nervous and have anxiety and would flip flop or stall on the idea.  This time, I made a decisive choice that I would not accept superficial answers and that I needed to get closure and after almost 20 years of friendship I felt, I as well as my friend, deserved to speak about the matter face to face and try to understand one anothers point of view.  This choice to confront the situation was exactly what both myself and friends needed to help us get past the hurt.

After taking my friend out to dinner I sat her down in the car and right away started to cry.  I expressed how hurt I was and that I felt I needed space.  Her reaction was so remorseful for holding this secret but, also, I heard such shame and embarassement as well.  I could see how upsetting it was for her to speak about the matter, and just like that a light switch came on in my head that made me realize how selfish I was for feeling only my pain and not really understanding my friend.  Hearing her speak made me completely forget my own hurt and all I could think about was being there for her.

The confrontation made our relationship a million times better and stronger.  We tackled the issue head on without sugar-coating anything and being completely honest about our feelings.  I can confidently say that this situation has definitely brought us closer.  I have never felt as connected with my friends as I do now.  My friends have taught me about unconditional love, which I only experienced with family.  I am very blessed and lucky to have my family and friends because the moment I wanted to walk out of their lives, they fought tooth and nail to make sure that didn’t happen.  My friends expressed how important I was to them and that they would never want me out of their lives even for one second.  My friends told me how much they need me.  I have never even experienced that with a man/partner, because with them I always felt conditional love.  My friends and I share true love!  For that, I am eternally grateful.

Time to reflect:

Are you usually afraid of confrontation?  Would you rather avoid confronting someone or something just to save face or keep the peace?  Sometimes, when you do that, you bottle up emotions that come out later in a much more drastic way.  Confronting the situation may be awkward in the beginning, but, I realize now it’s better to feel awkward now, than to feel absolutely horrible later.  So, be fearless and confront situations that make you feel bad now, so that you can help heal wounds and not have to deal with resentment in the future. 


“Direct confrontation, direct conversation is real respect. And it’s amazing how many people get that.” ~ Penn Jillette


Deep Tissue Acupuncture

I recently met with a foreign doctor, who specializes in Eastern Medicine.  He performed deep tissue acupuncture to help alleviate many of my health concerns.  I got into this horrible habit of self-medicating using perscription medication and going to Western doctors who really had no clue what they were doing.  Most of them I found got their degrees in South America and then applied for Med School in America or Canada and became licensed professional doctors.  Many of the doctors I met with did not know about alternative solutions nor did they have any interest in providing me with information about alternative ways to help cure my ailments.  So, after hearing about this doctor through word of mouth, I booked an appointment and had a consultation as well as one full session of acupuncture.

Witnessing my parents deal with certain health issues had me very concerned for my own well being.  I started noticing minor problems in myself that existed in my parents, but, in a much more acute form for them.  I also witnessed how they dealt with the illnesses and didn’t agree with their methods of fixing their problems.  I realized I couldn’t tell my parents what’s best for them, so instead, I opted to show them.  I decided to live by example and took a more conscious approach to dealing with my health issues.  Ultimately, the decision to go to acupuncture was for myself, but, I believe deep down, I really was doing this for them.  I was tired of watching them fall into this cycle of becoming dependent on medication and deteriorating right before my eyes.

While the doctor performed acupuncture on me, he concentrated on the key areas that I told him I had issues with.  Most, if not all, were the same things my parents were dealing with individually.  Now, with deep tissue acupuncture, you are pricked with a 6-7 inch, thick needle that is supposed to stimulate energy flow at the pressure points.  Each time he pricked me, a shock wave of energy flowed through the limb or body part he touched.  In one particular instance, he pricked me and I had no reaction.  The normal thing during these sessions is to have some type of pain reaction because the nerves and tissues are being stimulated.  If those nerves do not react, the tissues surrounding that area are likely to be so toxic that they are blocking your pain receptors.  Within our first meeting he was able to tell me how toxic my body and organs were, simply through touch.

He also focused on opening up my chakra because he diagnosed me with hyperactivity.  He explained that I am naturally an active person, however, over the years I have somehow developed anxiety which turned my active personality into hyperactivity.  I didn’t realize how accurate he was because the once calm and collective me was not so calm nor collective.  I would be very passionate with my emotions, both negative and positive.  If I felt something it was felt with great intensity and created a lot of anxiety because the energy being channelled was coming from a wrong and toxic place.  Which is why for so long I have dealt with rollercoaster emotions and just validated it as being a passionate person.  But there is a big difference between passion and anxiety.

After opening up my chakra I felt like a veil of cloudiness or fog covering my mind and eyes was lifted.  I felt and saw a swirl of colors at the crown of my head while my eyes were open.  I literally went from seeing fog to seeing things with so much more light.  Everything I laid my eyes on had a glow and the colours I noticed were much more intense and brighter.  My personal experience with deep tissue acupuncture is my way to let the world know to trust in alternative ways to heal your problems.  I live by example, good and bad.  If something is bad and I tell you, it’s most likely because I tried it and I know the side effects of it.  Likewise, if it’s something good, it is also because I’ve tried it and I know it will help those who are seeking answers.  At the end of the day, I can only open the door of information for you, it is up to you to walk through and take advantage of the knowledge and feedback.

Time to reflect:

Do you want to try deep tissue acupuncture?  If so, do not just go to any doctor.  Do your research and find someone who does not need advertising.  Find a doctor through word of mouth.  That is my ultimate recommendation.  Be honest and tell him/her exactly what’s wrong and allow them to work their magic. 

Letting Go

Sometimes the hardest thing in life is letting go.  We often go through situations in life that test us and our will power.  Particularly, when we are tested in a relationship, the idea of letting go can become quite complicated.  I firmly believe the reason we complicate these situations is because our EGO gets the better of us.

Why is it so hard to let go sometimes?  Is it because you are too comfortable, unwilling to change, can’t handle change, you’re in love, or etc.?  Well, it may be a combination of many things.  However, the most important thing to note is that our ego becomes very powerful when the time comes for us to learn to let go.  Our mind and ego will conjure up every reason, excuse and idea possible to keep us holding on.  There comes great strength in letting go, but, if your mind is convincing you that you are weak for letting go, you may teeter-totter with those ideas for a looong time.  Your ego may convince you that letting go constitutes failure.  But, that is so wrong.

I went through a situation personally where I was severly tested.  I got involved in a relationship that I knew, right off the bat, wasn’t healthy for me and my personal development.  I settled.  Becasue I settled, my ego was having a hard time letting go of this relationship.  It kept whispering things like, “how could you give up on something that was so easy in the first place”.  My partner was not interested in developing a bright future with me.  He insisted he cared for me, but his actions, or lack thereof, proved time and time again that we didn’t have a future.  Yet, I kept holding on to the comfort I felt while being with him.  I got into a routine, where I had an escape from my normal life.  I mean don’t get me wrong, we had great times, that’s the reason why I tried holding on so hard, because of those few great times.  What I failed to see were all the other 322 times that weren’t so great.  My ego was hiding the negatives and embellishing the positives, but, not to serve the right purpose.  My ego was slowly killing every bit of progress I had made within my body, mind and soul.

So, finally, I decided after trying very hard to hold on, to just trust in the universe and let go.  A situation occured where I felt very humilated and insulted by my partner.  I had reached a point where I decided this was just not worth it anymore.  It came out of the blue and this time, no amount of convincing, done by my ego, was allowing me to go back to this unhealthy situation/relationship.  It’s as if something more powerful than my ego finally woke up and said, “enough is enough.”  I finally learned to let go, and trust me when I say this, it SUCKED.  It hurt so much and still hurts to this day.  I doubted everything about myself because I felt I lost my identity.  But, when I looked deeper I realized, that was never my identity to begin with.  My ego had somehow convinced me of what I was feeling.  The day I realized I deserved more and better I became more clear and I felt like my old self again.  The anxiety I felt for years just lifted and I felt free.

Time to reflect:

Do you have a hard time letting go?  Ask yourself why?  Sometimes the greatest strength is in our ability to trust in faith and the universe and let go of what we are used to and comfortable with.  When we let go, we are allowing room for far greater things to enter our lives.  So, learn to let go and live free!


“Maybe it’s not always about trying to fix something broken.  Maybe it’s about starting over and creating something better.” ~ anonymous