My Dreams Are So Big They Scare Me

My dreams are so big that I get scared. I get so scared that I’m immobilized at times. I develop anxiety while speaking to others about my dreams. I get lost and confused and I procrastinate because I have no idea where to start or when too. I end up putting off work because I get too scared about starting the process, fearing how deep I will be involved. Will it be too late to turn back once I start? What if after declaring, to the world, of my intentions I am not capable of accomplishing my dreams? What if everyone is right about me being incapable? My dreams are so big that I don’t even want to share it with others because I fear that I will jinx it somehow. Even speaking to others about my dreams alienates me. Others often look at me with pity because they “know” I won’t make it. Well, you know what? I have lived in this fear for long enough and I want to finally break free from this trap.

Today, I want to share with you for the first time what my dream is. My dream is to change this world. I have a fire in me that wants to change this world, for the better. I imagine drastic changes taking place in the future that will help change the way we view ourselves, each other and how we live our day to day lives. This change cannot happen until it happens within my very soul. So, for the past 5 years I have been on a spiritual quest toward self discovery. My spiritual quest is helping me discover my own potential so that I can eventually help others find it within themselves. Seems simple enough right, it’s not such a big dream when you really think about it, right? LOL.

Have you ever dreamt of achieivng something that is SOOOO BIG that no one seems to understand what you are talking about, including yourself at times? Have you ever dreamt of something so big that people actually look at you like you’re nuts? Have you ever been put down because of your big dreams? I have, countless number of times. Each time I opened my mouth to try to explain my dreams to others I was laughed at. People would actually burst out laughing telling me to let go of such foolish dreams. I have been judged and ridiculed and even told that I will NEVER achieve my dreams. I have been told this by those closest and dearest to me and one would think this would’ve discouraged or hurt me. Actually, the exact opposite occurred.

Being laughed at and told that I could never accomplish what I wanted too, fuelled a fire in me. It has forced me to look inward to see what it is about my dreams that others can’t seem to understand. While trying to figure this out, I realized some inevitable truths.

Number one: Trust in yourself and in your dreams.
Even if no one else seems to understand, care or support you, I want you to be your own believer. You have to keep in mind that your dreams are YOUR DREAMS, no one elses. No one has a right to put your dreams down, no one has a right to laugh at your dreams or to make you feel like you cannot accomplish your dreams unless you give them the power too. There will always be people, even those closest to you, that will never understand the scope of your dreams and in their world it will seem completely impossible or unattainable. My advice to you on how to deal with them…let them be. Let them think and act whatever way they want too because at the end, it’s not their dreams, it’s YOURS.

Number two: You do not need permission or validation from others to dream your dreams. Can I tell you how many times I looked for validation of my dreams in others. Oh my God, I looked toward everyone else but myself to validate those dreams. Doing this is a waste of your time and energy. No one will validate your dreams for you. You have to wake up one day with the decision to dream your own dreams and take ownership of said dreams. You have to make a conscious effort to tell yourself that you will validate your own dreams through appropriate actions.

Number three: Don’t allow your ego to distract you from your dreams. Do not allow your ego, that voice in your mind, to steer you away from your dreams. The ego will play tricks on you and play on the negativity brought on by others. Do not give power to that voice and have it control your actions or thoughts. Our ego has a tricky way of playing games with us and convincing us that we are not good enough or we don’t deserve whatever we are striving for. We have to learn to hush that voice and not allow it to distract us from our vision.

Number four: Do no fear the outcome, go for it and take a risk! Don’t allow fear to paralyze you. Fear is the one illusion that our ego plays with on a day to day basis. The fear of not achieving your goals may seem like a lot but what if you DID achieve your goals? The fear of being embarassed might prevent you from taking action, but what if you were applauded instead? The fear of the unknown often stops many of us from pursuing things because we, as humans, want reassurance or confirmation that what we are about to do will pan out results. This fear of the unknown has made many greats fall to mediocracy. Stop putting emphasis on the what ifs and go for it and take action before time runs out. It’s better to risk it all and live with no regrets than wondering for the rest of your life, “Why didn’t I just try?”

If your dreams are so big that you are afraid of them, that is the universe telling you, you’re on the right path. If your dreams don’t scare you, you’re not dreaming big enough. By dreaming small, whatever you are hoping for will eventually come true, it’s just the reality. Studies have shown that humans who have set “realistic goals” have 9/10 times achieved those goals. So, if you’re gonna dream, might as well be SO BIG that eventually, it will come true!

mindbodysoul

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Stop the negative self-talk

For most of my life I’ve dealt with negativity, as I’m sure many people have as well.  The negativity that I’m speaking of is constantly being told that my actions are never good enough or that my performance was just ok.  I hardly ever heard any words of encouragement or appreciation for what I did or tried to do.  I was never told that I made someone proud until my 30th birthday, I am now 31.  I was always compared to other people my age or within my culture and even though I was more successful than others it was never acknowledged.  So, those of you reading this might think, “Well, ok buttercup, just suck it up and move on because life could be worse”.  And yes, you’re right life could definitely be worse.  I could be living in Syria right now and witnessing my family and friends being blown to pieces because of false wars.  But, the reason why I am writing about this is because this negativity that others deal with has now spilled over into my own personality.

I have always been the type of person to look for the best in every bad situation.  I am an encourager and I understand that in order to motivate others and myself you have to build people up, not break them down.  I am fully aware of this, however, after years and years of being spoken to in that manner, I started speaking to myself negatively.  At first, I reasoned with myself and convinced myself that being insulted is a good thing.  In fact, if you go back to my previous blogs you will see I even wrote about how being broken helps push me to make better decisions in life.  However, as I’m noticing my own negative self-talk I am seeing how it actually affects me.  It’s one thing to be spoken to in that manner by others, but, why would I want to speak to myself that way?

I got into a bad habit over the last little while where I would literally stand in front of the mirror and talk down to myself whenever I slacked off or didn’t accomplish a desired goal.  I would tell myself horible things like, “Bitch you don’t deserve this business because you’re lazy”.  Now, I’m not saying this to myself in a derogatory way, whereby, I’m yelling at myself and being condesending.  I’m talking to myself like I would a friend and use the term “bitch” to mean bad ass girl not that I’m actually a bitch.  But, as I kept doing this I realized how negatively this was impacting my emotions.  Instead of walking away feeling uplifted after my pep talk, I felt defeated and be flooded with doubt.  This negative talk was something I had just gotten so used to that talking to myself in a loving manner seemed super foreign and abnormal.

Once I realized the negative implications of negative self-talk I changed my habit and started showering myself with compliments.  I would look at myself in the mirror and tell myself things like, “You are beautiful and you deserve the absolute best” or “You are so talented and you should be proud of yourself for how far along you’ve come.”  The simple choice in talking to myself in a loving manner drastically improved my life and my perspective of myself.  I no longer look at myself with pity or regret, instead I see infinite potential.  I finally don’t need any validation from anyone else because I’m providing that to myself.  The feeling is great, to be told you are amazing, even if it’s you talking to yourself.  So, going forward, I have decided I will forever STOP the negative self-talk and be my own cheerleader.  There is already so much negativity that exists in this world, don’t add to it by being your own worst critic.  Learn to love yourself and speak to yourself in the same manner you would to a boyfriend or girlfriend.  This change in language and attitude will make a huge difference in your life and give you the confidence you need to tackle anything and everything.

mindbodysoul

“By reinforcing negative thoughts, I am giving up on self-worth.” ~ Andrea Marti

“Floating”

My intention for this year is to try as many new things as humanly possible.  So, two weeks ago on a Monday night, I tried something totally new and different (for me), I tried “floating”.  Floating is a new age therapeutic meditation or stress release technique or procedure that helps a person achieve sensory deprivation while floating in salt water in a dark tank or pod.  The object of “floating” is to achieve complete sensory deprivation while becoming connected to ones self.

You can attempt active or passive floating depending on what you wish to achieve.  If one wants to achieve relaxation, one would simply be passive and float and attempt to clear the mind.  Active floating is different whereby one can perform different techniques.  A person may perform meditation, mantras, self-hypnosis, or make use of educational programs to help achieve a certain state of awareness.  Active floating allows the body to be in complete relaxation, thus, allowing the mind to become highly suggestible while taking in information into the sub-conscious and retaining it.  This relaxed state can help in the healing process for many conditions such as stress, anxiety, pain, swelling, insomnia and jet lag.

A sensory deprivation pod/tank is about the size of an oversized bathtub or jacuzzi which closes and seals out sound and light.  The tank is filled with water and uses epsom salt and magnesium sulfate in high concentration so that you achieve a complete weightlessness or “floating” sensation while in the tank.  It is supposed to mimick the dead sea.  There is roughly 1200 pounds of epsom salt in the tank, thus, creating such density that the entire body is floating with ease while keeping the head buoyant so not to drown.

Another benefit one gets from the tank/pod occurs because high concentration of magnesium helps enhance the therapy.  Magnesium is absorbed through the skin due to natural molecular diffusion and plays a major role in correcting magnesium deficiencies in the body.  Typically, magnesium is absorbed from the diet but in many areas of the world, over-cropping and other processes depletes necessary content of magnesium in our foods.  The body naturally balances the levels of magnesium so there is no overload effect caused by the “floating”.

After trying “floating” I can honestly say I’ve already booked my next 5 sessions in advance.  I plan to do this once a month for as long as I possibly can.  I achieved such a state of awareness and connectedness with myself that I can’t even describe.  I was able to hear myself, my true inner voice, calling me and guiding me.  I was able to make definitive decisions that I wasn’t able to make prior to my session.  I gained a confidence about myself after my session and I can’t even explain why, other than, it really helped me get inside my head and tell myself things that I already knew, but, avoided.  “Floating” has definitely helped me open my mind and soul and I am looking forward to my next float session to uncover even more greatness trapped within myself.

http://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&frm=1&source=images&cd=&ved=0CAUQjhw&url=http%3A%2F%2Fgalleryhip.com%2Fdeprivation-tank.html&ei=ZyW9VOPgEYOYyQTWlIFw&bvm=bv.83829542,d.aWw&psig=AFQjCNH45azQ3LgI2cq3g-K7AertVJAO5w&ust=1421768383047451

“When I first tried a sensory deprivation tank, people thought I had lost my mind. In fact, I had found it.” ~ Ryan Lilly

Sleep Paralysis Part 2

Last night I experienced sleep paralysis again.  This time, however, it was not like my first experience.  I still felt the same crippling fear and shortness of breath as I felt during my first experience, but, the difference this time was in my overall reaction to it.  This time I knew I was experiencing sleep paralysis and the images I saw were of a grim reaper slashing away at me while hovering over me.  Knowing that I was going through this, I still felt a bit of panic at first, but, not as much as the first time.  In fact, once I regained my composure, I started telling myself to try and get up and out of my body.  I kept trying to move my body but I couldn’t.  I finally pushed myself up and noticed a white noise getting louder and the air around me was vibrating intensely.

All of the sudden, with one mighty push I was thrown up into a standing position and I was in my room standing right in front of my dresser drawer.  At this point the vibrations were so intense that it knocked me off my feet and back into my sleeping body.  I woke up and felt my heart beating super fast.  I finally had my first real “conscious” out of body experience and was fully aware and in control of it.

This time around I didn’t have anything negative or traumatic happen to me.  Instead, I think I was opening myself up psychically to the experience and maybe subconsciously was hoping to finally get another crack at sleep paralysis.  However, I do have to admit I did have a nightmare after that.  I dreamt that my mother started crying and screaming for me to come help her.  When I got to her I saw a huge growth on her lower back, around the kidney area.  There was a huge lump protruding out of her body and she was in pain.  She was afraid of dying and I held her in my arms and cried and begged her to be ok.  I cried in my sleep a lot and when I awoke I could feel in my face the pain from crying while sleeping.  After waking up I ran to my mothers room and grabbed her and hugged her.  It was such an intense and gut wrenching dream.  I felt helpless and hopeless.

I am logging this in my blog because I want to keep track of all my sleep paralysis and out of body exerpeinces.  I want to go back and try to understand the relevence it has in my life.  Why am I experiecing this?  Is this me tapping into my infinite potential?  What will I discover during these out of body experiences?  How far can I go out of body?  The point is, for the first time I was able to control something that seemed so uncontrollable.  I am excited to have another out of body experience and looking forward to my next journey.  I hope this time though, that I get passed my bedroom walls and possibly out into another dimension!

mindbodysoul

Attitude of Gratitude

My attitude stinks!  My attitude toward myself, most importantly, sucks and needs a major overhaul.  I am realizing that in order for my attitude to change I have to make that change directly from inside of myself, no where else.  I can’t go buy a bottle of gratitude, I can only achieve gratitude by focusing my attitude on feeling gratification instead of focusing on all the other feelings that are associated with “attitude”.  Does this make sense?

Ok let me try to explain it a little more clearly.  I grew up in a very negative enviroment.  I constantly heard negativity and it was rare to ever hear words of encouragement.  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t grow up being physically abused to the point where I claim I’m some victim.  No no, not at all…I grew up with parents who lacked the ability to communicate positivity in a way that hindered my ability to develop gratitude.  My dad is a very positive person, however, being married to someone who is beyond the scope of negativity, has taken a toll on his ability to communicate effectively.  He still has the ability to make us feel encouraged and unstoppable but not through words or gestures, but, rather with an unspoken understanding.  My mother, on the other hand, is so negative that I can safely say her negative attitude has definitely penetrated my character and I do catch myself being just like her at times.  The saddest part is, the negativity I have learned from her doesn’t affect anyone else, it affects me directly.

What I have learned and how to cope with certain things is greatly attributed to the 30 plus years of influence by my family.  Growing up I always heard that my life or my situation was never good enough.  There was always something wrong, or missing, or not enough money, or not enough time or blah blah blah.  These lessons were never taught by my dad, only my mom.  She is the only person in my life that I could never understand because here is someone who has EVERYTHING going for her, yet, has the hardest time being GRATEFUL for all that she has.  This ungrateful attitude spilled over in us, the kids and we started becoming ungrateful about everything, including our own selves.

Having never heard a thank you, or you did a great job, I’m so proud of you, and etc. I was never grateful to myself for all that I do for myself and those around me.  I developed a poor attitude about who I am, where I’m going, what I want to be and etc..  I didn’t appreciate anything given to me, because I never realized how grateful I should be for receiving said blessings.  I didn’t appreciate myself and all the wonderful things I do as a human being to contribute to this society.  I didn’t appreciate my many gifts and talents that made me uniquely me.  I didn’t appreciate the many great things I did for others.  I didn’t learn to love myself and be honest about all that I have achieved and will achieve.  My attitude about loving myself correctly really needed a wake up call.  I needed to realize that how I talk to myself and how I feel about myself directly affects me and my overall well-being.

In order for me to change and become more grateful, I have to speak to myself in an encouraging and positive way.  I have to go out of my comfort zone and make an extra effort to stop degrading myself, being self-critical and downright mean to myself.  By speaking more lovingly and more honestly about how amazing I actually am, I can develop a much better attitude of gratitude.  I can start to appreciate all the things around me and most importantly all the things within me.  By allowing myself to love and speak to myself in a loving manner, where I tell myself that I am beautiful, smart, awesome or talented, I can finally be grateful for all that makes me, me!  This will then spill over into my outer world and that same level of love that I have for myself will transcend and be reflected in my interactions with others.  I will be able to encourage others and help them develop gratification as I exude the same level of gratification.  By fixing my own attitude of gratitude I can help slowly make the changes both within my inner and outer worlds.

mindbodysoul

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” ~ Melody Beattie

 

Numbers as Spirt Guides

Earlier I wrote about numbers and provided a guide of their meanings.  I want to elaborate a little more on numbers and how they act as Spirit Guides.  Numbers act as guides to help us make certain decisions or be concscious or aware of the decisions we need to make.  Sometimes in life we come across certain difficult choices and during these times we come across signs.  These signs may come in the form of numbers.  You may notice sometimes that you look up at the clock at exactly 11:11 or 12:12 or 12:21 and etc..  Why is it that we notice these numbers precisely at the moment when we think of something critical to our well-being?  Did you ever stop to ask why we notice them and what they mean when we notice them?

Below, I provided a list of the numbers and their spiritual meaning from the same site http://www.spiritual-path.com/numerology.htm from my earlier blog post.  Please take a moment to read through the numbers and see what they mean.

“Below are the basic signs that Spirit Guides use to guide us in everyday life. They are not related to anything in particular, like your life path or life lesson in conjunction with astrological influences, as listed below. These signs guide us to the correct decisions on anything; from whether to carry an umbrella to work, to whether you should have a sandwich for lunch or a full meal. The reason for this guidance is for you to avoid an unpleasant experience, to provide you with something you will soon need, but don’t know yet, or even help you with decisions at work. These signs are listed with the specific interpretation, and it is up to you to apply it to your thoughts and feelings”. http://www.spiritual-path.com/numerology.htm
 
111, 1111 – This is the New Cycle sign. It refers to what is new, fresh, prosperous and progressive in your life. Seeing this sign after thinking or feeling something about a topic in your life indicates that these thoughts will lead to new and exciting things in your daily life. Your Spirit Guides are indicating that these thoughts are healthy, because change is the essence of growth.
 
222, 2222 – This is the ‘Train of Thought’ sign. Your Spirit Guides will show you this sign to support what you are thinking. For example, you could be working on something at work, and see this sign. It indicates that you should continue with the current focus or thoughts for a solution, as it will lead you to the right conclusion.
 
333, 3333 – This sign is the Cosmic ‘Yes!’ It indicates a ‘Yes’ to absolutely anything, and that it is the right decision for you. It indicates that something will happen, even if sometimes it isn’t what you expect, or when you expect it, because it is an explicit sign. For example, you may ask your Spirit Guides, “Will I ever get married?” And they reply “333!” So you think, “Great! I’ll be married soon!” But the ‘soon’ part is of our making; ‘Yes’ you will get married, but they don’t say when! Still, it’s something to look forward to!
 
444, 4444 – This sign is the Cosmic ‘No!’ It indicates a ‘No’ to absolutely anything. For example, you could think, “I’m really getting sick of this job.”, but then see the ‘444’ sign to advise you, “No, don’t think like that. You’re just a bit tired, so don’t let such temporary things sway your mind.” It could also be as basic as, “I could do with some Pizza for dinner.”, whereby the ‘No’ would advise you that it wouldn’t be a good idea.
 
555, 5555 – This is the ‘Change’ sign. It is seen whenever you have had a change of mind about anything, and is a reflection of your state of mind. It prompts you to ask, “Hmm, a change of mind. Where will this change lead me?” It relates to any subject where you have changed your mind, and advises you think a little about it first, and to be sure this new direction is really the one you wish to take.
 
666, 6666 – This is the ‘Imbalance’ sign. It indicates that your thoughts have gone off on an unhealthy tangent, that isn’t focused on anything but nonsense. You could be thinking normally about something, and then your mind takes a tangent into fantastical or unrealistic territory. Through this sign, your Spirit Guides are letting you know that you have slipped off the right track, and for you to step back to the last correct train of thought.
 
777, 7777 – This is the ‘Lesson Learnt’ sign. It indicates that you have made a realisation or learnt a lesson. Your Spirit Guides are showing you this sign to reflect that you have learnt something, for you to think about it, and ask yourself questions, such as, “What have I learnt? What does this mean to me?” For example, the lesson may be that you have discovered that your work no longer inspires you as it once did. You have made this discovery, and now it is up to you as to how you proceed. 
 
888, 8888 – This is the ‘Phase About to End’ sign. Everything we do in our life can be categorised as a phase. From going to work to going shopping, all things are a series of short term phases. Your Spirit Guides will show you this sign when your thoughts will bring about the end of a phase, whether this end be natural or abrupt. For example, you could be making a Christmas present list, and once completed, you review it and think, “Oh, these five people don’t know each other, I can get them the same thing!” Your Spirit Guides could then show you the ‘888’ sign to advise that by following this plan, the phase of completing your Christmas shopping will very soon come to an end. You are being advised, but also asked to reflect upon your plan; sure, you’ll finish all of your shopping quicker, but will you be happy with the results?
 
999, 9999 – This is the ‘Completion of a Phase’ sign. It indicates the completion of a phase of thought or activity in your life. For example, you may think, “I’m not eating at that restaurant again!” Or, having reached your mental and emotional limit with a situation, think, “Okay, that’s enough now!” After which you’ll see the ‘999’ sign, reflecting the finality of your thoughts and feelings on a particular matter. Your Spirit Guides are showing you this sign as a reflection of your current mental and emotional state and that there is no going back from this point – it’s over.
 
000, 0000 – This is the ‘Unity with the Universe’. Your Spirit Guides will show you this sign to indicate to you that you’re doing fine; you’re thinking the right things, doing the right things, and in the right place, mentally and emotionally. Your Spirit Guides are saying, “Just carry on as you are!”
 
mindbodysoul

The Human “Race”

From the moment we are conceived to the moment we die, we, as humans, are living a race, known as the human “race”.  Starting from the bare seeds within the male testicles the race begins with millions of sperm trying to outrun one another to fertilize the egg in the females uterus.  This is where the race starts and then continues until we die.  Have you ever wondered why it is that we perceive our lives like this?  Everything a race, or a competition against one another and even against ourselves?  Who are we trying to beat?  Where are we trying to go too so fast?  Why do we live in a society where we pin ourselves against each other and compete for better jobs, more money, a bigger and better house, or a better girlfriend or boyfriend?

Even when we look around us, everything is a competition or a race of some kind.  From athletics to job hunting, to fame and fortune, to education to even child rearing.  We are all living our lives trying to out do one another rather than working and collaborating together.  The notion of helping one another and uplifting or empowering others who are not at a certain level is not a norm.  We as humans love to see others fail, we love to see others being judged and degraded by those more superior.  It’s like we have this sick twisted sense of living life.

Notice how even during the Roman Empire times gladiators would fight and peasants would be torn limb from limb savagely by animals while spectators watched happily as one of their own got tormented and destroyed right before their eyes.  Now a days we do not live this barbarically, however, this sense of torment still goes on to this very day.  From sports teams to reality show competitions to scholarships to getting the best jobs, it’s become this habit of ours to judge and criticize others and compare everyone to one another to find the “best” in this race we are living.   I do get that in order for us to achieve certain things we do require the best of the best at times or we do want to learn from the best.  I, myself, aspire to be the best at whatever it is I do, however, this constant competition mode we live in is not healthy for our beings.

I wish for a world where we work together and help others who are not at the same level achieve greatness.  I wish for a world where the best teach the worst, while the worst teach the best about patience, mastering their own fine arts, and gaining the satisfaction of helping others in lesser positions than themselves.  I wish for a world where we don’t have television shows that degrade a person who sings their soul out (even if they weren’t the best), but, instead praise him for being courageous enough to pursue his passion wile giving feedback on how to improve.  I wish for a world where we don’t see women and men being pinned against each other in manipulated competitions just to win a million dollar prize but no satisfaction within our very soul.  I wish to create a world where we empower one another, where if you lack a skill you can turn to your side and ask someone who doesn’t lack that skill to help you understand how to achieve greatness in that particular department.  I wish for a world where, if we do watch television shows, that they teach us about team building and how to work with one another to help solve problems, rather than watch individuals instigate problems while breaking others down.

I know that the human race is far from what I wish it actually was, but, I have the intention to create change in this world and I will put it out into the universe.  I want the world to be exactly as how I mentioned above.  I aspire to make these changes and one day in the future these changes will happen.

mindbodysoul

“If the human race wishes to have a prolonged and indefinite period of material prosperity, they have only got to behave in a peaceful and helpful way toward one another.” ~ Winston Churchill