For most of my life I’ve dealt with negativity, as I’m sure many people have as well. The negativity that I’m speaking of is constantly being told that my actions are never good enough or that my performance was just ok. I hardly ever heard any words of encouragement or appreciation for what I did or tried to do. I was never told that I made someone proud until my 30th birthday, I am now 31. I was always compared to other people my age or within my culture and even though I was more successful than others it was never acknowledged. So, those of you reading this might think, “Well, ok buttercup, just suck it up and move on because life could be worse”. And yes, you’re right life could definitely be worse. I could be living in Syria right now and witnessing my family and friends being blown to pieces because of false wars. But, the reason why I am writing about this is because this negativity that others deal with has now spilled over into my own personality.
I have always been the type of person to look for the best in every bad situation. I am an encourager and I understand that in order to motivate others and myself you have to build people up, not break them down. I am fully aware of this, however, after years and years of being spoken to in that manner, I started speaking to myself negatively. At first, I reasoned with myself and convinced myself that being insulted is a good thing. In fact, if you go back to my previous blogs you will see I even wrote about how being broken helps push me to make better decisions in life. However, as I’m noticing my own negative self-talk I am seeing how it actually affects me. It’s one thing to be spoken to in that manner by others, but, why would I want to speak to myself that way?
I got into a bad habit over the last little while where I would literally stand in front of the mirror and talk down to myself whenever I slacked off or didn’t accomplish a desired goal. I would tell myself horible things like, “Bitch you don’t deserve this business because you’re lazy”. Now, I’m not saying this to myself in a derogatory way, whereby, I’m yelling at myself and being condesending. I’m talking to myself like I would a friend and use the term “bitch” to mean bad ass girl not that I’m actually a bitch. But, as I kept doing this I realized how negatively this was impacting my emotions. Instead of walking away feeling uplifted after my pep talk, I felt defeated and be flooded with doubt. This negative talk was something I had just gotten so used to that talking to myself in a loving manner seemed super foreign and abnormal.
Once I realized the negative implications of negative self-talk I changed my habit and started showering myself with compliments. I would look at myself in the mirror and tell myself things like, “You are beautiful and you deserve the absolute best” or “You are so talented and you should be proud of yourself for how far along you’ve come.” The simple choice in talking to myself in a loving manner drastically improved my life and my perspective of myself. I no longer look at myself with pity or regret, instead I see infinite potential. I finally don’t need any validation from anyone else because I’m providing that to myself. The feeling is great, to be told you are amazing, even if it’s you talking to yourself. So, going forward, I have decided I will forever STOP the negative self-talk and be my own cheerleader. There is already so much negativity that exists in this world, don’t add to it by being your own worst critic. Learn to love yourself and speak to yourself in the same manner you would to a boyfriend or girlfriend. This change in language and attitude will make a huge difference in your life and give you the confidence you need to tackle anything and everything.
“By reinforcing negative thoughts, I am giving up on self-worth.” ~ Andrea Marti